The Changes We Choose

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“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” – Rumi

The other day I watched from the back door as almost 8-year-old Miss O walked up to my mom as she was gardening in my back yard in the late afternoon glow, and announced, “We have some news. We are growing our family.”

I could have done a spit-take on the micro-expression that crossed my mom’s face. I’m 99% certain she knows that I’m not going to have any more children, but there might have been a fleeting second that my mom wasn’t sure. And then Miss O saved her by explaining we are getting a puppy in three weeks.

Which in many ways is nuts. I love order and getting things done. I’m pretty clear that a puppy isn’t going to tip the balance in that direction. But here’s my counter argument – doesn’t change usually feel like it’s nuts? Of course, I’m speaking of the changes we choose. I think often the changes we don’t choose feel to me like grief.

But there’s another thing I’m noticing as we prepare to “grow our family.” Now that we’ve decided, it’s already started mixing up the patterns we have at home.

I’ve told Miss O and Mr. D that I can’t be one person taking care of three creatures. Miss O has picked up on that and calls it five creatures because she’s including the cat and me. Whatever the number, it’s caused her to step up her game – get her own breakfast, learn how to do the dishes, and follow me around asking, “what can I do to help?”

It’s forcing me to accept the help and start expecting more of my children. For me to see all that they are capable of, and break the patterns started in toddlerhood where I just did things because it’s faster (and usually not as messy).

My requirement for a puppy was that Mr. D had to be potty trained – and he mastered that months ago. But there’s still a little porta-potty sitting in the corner of the family room that has to go away when the puppy comes. Not to mention, that the beloved stuffy Bun Bun will be at great risk if Mr D continues to carry him around, and sometimes leave behind randomly, so there’s another opportunity to step up to more thoughtful patterns.

Yes, we are growing our family. But as I watch in anticipation of this change, I see that we are also “growing-up” our family. Maybe that’s what every change we choose offers us the opportunity to do.

(featured photo is my last dog, Biscuit, as a puppy)

73 thoughts on “The Changes We Choose”

  1. Congratulations, Wynne. As the Stoics told us and Camus reiterated, “Love your fate.” The dog will love you and protect the kids.

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  4. I know why you’re adding this fellow to your family, it has nothing to do with your children, it’s so you’ll have endless blog fodder. Don’t try to convince me otherwise. 😊

    Liked by 7 people

  5. I love Miss O’s stepping up behavior…’growing up’ indeed. And I’m with Ally — I’m a sucker for good doggo content. You captured my heart already with a sweet pic of Biscuit! 🥰

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      1. Sign me up…I’ll take that trip…but on a serious note…I’m glad you’ve got ‘safety first’ on your mind about sweet stuffy Bun-Bun. Me thinks the new family member will love squishy Bun-Bun just as much as Mr. D…maybe more? LOL! 🤣

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      2. Oh, I’m so scared for Bun Bun. 🙂 He already got a couple new rips when a dog at Spirit Lake got hold of him. You might be right – maybe more. We’ll have to work on Cooper’s (that’s going to be the name – Mini Cooper when he’s a pup) own special stuffy for a trade. 🙂

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  6. Just imagining your mother’s expression… haha!! Congratulations on the new addition 😉 and the side benefit of watching your kids step up to help! So sweet.

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  8. I think that I’ve probably made that “micro expression” face you mentioned from your mom a few times (or more) in my life for a variety of reasons!

    So many ways to embrace growth in this post, from O’s already aware POV to the opportunity for D to step into some of those leadership roles he enjoys, all while growing a pup into an amazing addition to the family. I’m excited for all of you but maybe next time just use the old standby line “Hey mom, we’re getting a dog!”

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    1. Oh my goodness – great point about old standby line. Yep, we probably could have done that one better. 🙂

      Thanks for your excitement – you are right about the growth opportunities. Maybe next time we hike, we’ll bring along our new addition. 🙂

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  10. I remember my young daughter wanting a dog, and my already overwhelm with work, child care, housework, yard care. Our particular compromise was a cat (actually two.) Pets to care for and love, but they walked themselves, and deposited their poop where I could easily find it. Lol I’m sure your decision is well thought out. He (she?) is really lovely looking, and will bring your family a lot of lessons and joy that you could never have anticipated. Somewhat like having a baby… I laughed at Miss O’s delivery of the news to your mom. 🙂

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    1. I can totally understand your compromise, Susan. Yep, I’m sure we are going to have a ton of stories about how it all works out…and the moments that seem like it isn’t. 🙂

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  13. Good parenting, Wynne – setting expectations and following through. As enthusiastic as kids are about getting a pet, it wears off – they need to be in it for the long run (Words from a mom with regret, lol)

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  14. I’m so impressed with your daughter asking if she can help! Amazing. I did way too much for my kids because of their busy schedules with school, swim, piano and numerous other activities. Sometimes it’s easier to do it yourself, but it doesn’t allow your children to grow to be independent adults. Good luck with your puppy! I had my daughter’s pug puppy for three months until Christmas break and did the raising and potty training. I couldn’t believe how much time it took. Nice you’ll have helpers!

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    1. Oh, Elizabeth, I’m glad that I’m not the only mom who struggles with doing too much for them. I keep working on that balance. I love that you helped with your daughter’s dog training. So sweet!

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      1. The subject of doing too much for our kids was one I used a lot for my sports parenting column. It’s so easy to want to get things done quickly. Yes, I was the puppy raiser and then had him while my daughter studied abroad.

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  16. Before kids, we had a cat- a really sweet tabby and then added a dog along the way. The puppy would regularly lay at the foot of the couch, which thrilled the cat, who would sprawl above the dog and swat him on the head mercilessly. Then the dog (a golden retriever mix) grew up. He took to catching the cat by her scruff and tossing her around like a rag doll – which for whatever reason, she just allowed. Maybe she knew it was just payback?

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  17. Oh that moment when Miss O says to your Mom, “we’re growing our family,” a priceless moment! You captured it so well. Congratulations on the new member of the family! Can’t wait to hear about the puppy shenanigans! Love that Miss O is stepping up her game! You can see she’s ready for the additional responsibility and you’ll need her help with the pup arrives. Much love and hugs, C

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    1. This blog is certainly going to go to the dogs, Cheryl! 🙂 Yes, I will definitely need Miss O’s help. We’ll see how this goes… 🙂 Thanks for your lovely encouragement. Sending hugs to you! ❤

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  19. To have seen the look on your mother’s face when Miss O announced, “we’re growing our family” who have been precious! Wishing you all the best as you bring a four-legged ‘fur-child’ into your home. Being a former dog owner for 30 plus years it was always a challenge to efficiently raise and socialize two different beings with different needs and understanding of our world. But when that happens it’s a beautiful life!

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    1. I love your description of the challenge – “to efficiently raise and socialize two different beings with different needs and understanding of our world.” Whew! Yes!! I’m sure I’ll have some stories along the way.. ❤

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  23. Oh this is so so exciting. I can’t wait to hear and see more about your growing family, Wynne. This will definitely not add more organization but the messy joy will be so worth it. And yes, good thing you’re not the one having the puppies!

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  24. Great story about O 🙂 We’ve been dog sitting our adult daughter’s puppy occasionally and I won’t lie- I was unprepared for the amount of work and attention it took! But my life has been enriched so much by the dogs we’ve had- it’s hard to imagine life without them! 🐶

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    1. Thanks, my friend! It’s funny how easy it is to forget how much work they are. I’m sure I don’t remember as it has been 20 years since I’ve had a puppy. I’m sure it’ll give me lots to write about!

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  25. What an exciting addition, can’t wait to hear the tales as they all grow! Kudos to Mr. D and Miss O for stepping up and double kudos to you for encouraging and letting them. Kids are much more capable than many give them credit for, and you can definitely see the difference between them compared to peers that weren’t allowed any responsibility at all. 💞💞💞

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    1. I love this comment as I suspect it comes from a good deal of knowledge and experience. I agree about giving them responsibility making a big difference. Let’s see how this goes! 🙂

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  26. I love that the very thought of a puppy has brought out the little adult in Miss O. Puppies are just the best—teachers in so many ways! I can’t wait to hear stories. Is there a specific little one coming your way? A boy or girl with or without a name yet? 🐶💕
    🐈

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    1. We know the litter and that our little boy puppy (already named Cooper so he can be mini Cooper as a pup) will be coming home on August 11th. But we haven’t been to visit the litter yet and pick out our exact puppy. I’m trying to think of the aptly named pup that you have walked from time to time but it’s not coming. Hopefully little Cooper is better behaved than that… 🙂

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      1. Our little Jazzy (“The Gnat”) has grown into a dear, sweet little creature adored by all. She is the community puppy—we all get our doggie fix without the vet bills! She is a shih-poo—Shih Tzu-poodle mix (know by some as a shitty-pooh) . What breed is mini-Cooper? August 11—can’t wait to meet him! 🐶💕❤️

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      2. Jazzy!! How cute – love that she’s a community puppy.

        Cooper is an English Golden Retriever so he’s a lot whiter than my beloved Biscuit was. I saw a picture of the litter – they’re awfully cute…. 🙂

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      3. Jasmine—sister to dearly departed Petunia. Flowers, all. I love dignified dog names—Harper, Hershel, Hampton, Frasier, Cooper. Somehow I figured you’d be getting bigger breed. We’re limited to the smaller pups here where I live. I love them ALL—can’t help myself!

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