The Games We Play

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“Children are great imitators, so give them something great to imitate.” – unknown

Miss O came home from school on Friday with a complaint that one of her classmates was taunting her with “Leon the Lion.” Geez, I thought – it could be way worse than that, but the classmate is one that just knows how to effectively get her goat so I understand how that gets under the skin.

[An aside here: My friend, Eric, tested the names I picked for my kids before I had them against playground taunts. I’d kinda forgotten about this teasing phase but he did his best to steer me away from anything that rhymed with “farts.” Not that I can remember having an option that did. On the other hand, he thought Lancelot Leon would be a great name for Mr. D so I’m not sure why Eric was even on the committee except for his excellent sense of humor.]

The other thing that seven-year-olds do is that thing where the repeat the thing you said so that when you say, “Please stop copying me,” you get to hear it in maddening echo. We also have the situation when the older sibling says to the younger sibling “Stop copying me!” and then mere minutes later becomes interested in what the younger sibling is doing and starts copying them.

I’m guessing that my description of playground taunts or the echo game is surprising to not a single reader because they were around when we were kids and also when our parents were kids. It makes me wonder – is there anything about human experience that is original? And although we continually invent new ways to hurt each other like online bullying and more deadly bullets, the concept isn’t anything new.

So is it worth speaking about and writing about if it’s all a rehash? Here’s what I found listening to Miss O. The work of relationship and living is about listening to how an experience lands for a person. Even if it is the exact same experience we had a minute ago or forty years before, it will feel differently. It’s the first time Miss O has gone through this so I get to apply any wisdom I’ve been able to glean to the patience and warmth I bring to the situation.

We all need our chance to express the pain of living, the joy of discovery, the pull of love, the singular a-ha moments because it keeps us healthy. It keeps pulling the inner to the outer and even when it’s all familiar, it’s authentic expression. And that has the chance to inspire us all or unlock the doors of our own memories. Sure, none of it is new – and that’s good news because we get the opportunity to do it better each time we play our role as participant, speaker, or guide.

My post on the Heart of the Matter this morning is of a similar theme – Originality. Do we ever write anything new? Please check it out and subscribe!

(featured photo from Pexels)

40 thoughts on “The Games We Play”

  1. You took me back to my own youth, Wynne, and my daughter’s youth, and the re-runs whereof you speak. You make me think about then and now, and how life time-zones change but some things just stay the same. BTW I love your friend Eric and the levity he brought to the name-game. Everybody needs an Eric on the committee, right?

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  2. An important topic, Wynne. If you like oldies, Johnny Cash captured the naming challenge with “A Boy Named Sue.” Both unique and universal, the dream of every writer and artist. Thanks for today’s essays.

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  3. Oh my goodness…Eric’s role on the committee? Did you have enough counter-balance input given his wicked sense of humor? You must have! 😘
    I think you’re right, Wynne about how “experiences land differently” depending upon the wacky and wild array of variables in our lives. Taking those cues…listening carefully before opening my mouth…even if it’s ‘old news’ in my eyes? Oh geez. Lessons learned. Context…context…read the room and the vibe. 🥰

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    1. Oh my goodness, you nailed it for me with listening carefully even if its old news. Right! Because it’s not old news for someone else.

      And yes, Eric – always fun… 🙂 ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Important topic, Wynne. Thanks for that. It’s an interesting quote; my first reaction was, “what solid advice”. It IS, of course, but then I thought about kids, and how they will/should pick up good examples subconsciously, but they consciously pick up good ways of teasing each other! It’s interesting and maybe a bit scary to think harder about why it is that our early instincts are to tease, bug, and bully other kids, including siblings. And, very sadly, social media has allowed bullies to take their poison to a whole new level.

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    1. What a fascinating comment, Jane. Yes, why is it that our instincts lead us (or allow us) to tease, bug, and bully? Is it a competitive thing? Or is it because the big picture is not visible to young people yet and so they get hooked into needing the thing right at hand?

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      1. I never thought about the reality that kids instinctively do this (and not just boys!) until I read the quote in your post. Then I started wondering why, but I can’t think of any evolutionary reason. It probably is a competitive thing; nature documentaries on TV suggest that many young animals do the same thing! Practice for survival?! To drive parents and teachers crazy?!! 😂😏

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      2. I was watching my kids really closely tonight with your question in mind. Two things jumped out at me – they operate from a sense of scarcity and their timeframe is so short that 5 seconds feels like FOREVER. Cultivating a sense of abundance and a longer time horizon is probably the work of aging and wisdom – and I think some don’t ever get it. How’s that for a theory?

        Or, to drive parents and teachers crazy is an equally good answer!

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  5. So glad you chose not to run with Lancelot! I saw so much of this exact behavior being with the girls this weekend. I forget quickly what kids do and why (probably self preservation in action) but there was a clear picture that formed…and it didn’t/doesn’t make me happy. Not saying I was any different but wow how do we forget that kids pick up on everything they see and hear (ie: parents). Aren’t we as adults supposed to leave that crap behind and become decent humans?

    You are so correct Wynne- the concepts just keep rolling forward creating bigger mountains to overcome.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love that you ask the “why” Deb. Such a great question – I’ll have to ponder that although self preservation seems like a good explanation. Also I was reading a Richard Rohr book where he proposed it is the work of the first half of life to define who we are and the work of the second to fill it up. With that construct, maybe these games are all part of defining the self?

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  7. I remember going through this with the grand-twins and later with the youngest. My daughter and I taught them from the lessons we had learned from her childhood and mine. (Kids can be so mean.)

    We taught them to first not respond the way they expect us to when taunted. Act like it doesn’t bother them one iota, for if the taunter sees a reaction, they will keep pressing the point to get more and more of a reaction. We explained it’s about the taunter trying to make themselves feel better about themselves by trying to exert control over another person’s emotions. If they feel they can push our buttons, they will.

    We had our best successes with the youngest when we told her to own whatever was being said and to flip the script. “Oh, you’re just making fun of my name because you’re secretly jealous that your name isn’t as awesome as mine!” The youngest saw she could quickly deflate a taunt, and then she found a way to make that person into a friend.

    The twins learned that humor and sarcasm were their best tools to deal with bullies too.

    As we told them, kids taunt other kids not because there’s something wrong with the other kid, but because they’re trying to make themselves feel better or superior somehow. The youngest led the way and made everyone her friend when she understood this concept!

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  8. Oh my, Wynne, the copying game is so damn irritating. We’re going through this right with T and it’s the negative attention seeking sounds and words that often get copied! 😆 So I can understand Miss O’s frustration.

    I don’t think there is really much originality in terms of what we discuss or write about in every life – but makes it original is the individual perspective we bring to the topic and how we write about it, informed by our lived experiences, high and low.

    I love how unique voices, such as yours, shed light on topics that have been written about many times over. So to answer your question, I do think originality exists in the how and why and not the what.

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  9. I agree with many of the above comments from your readers! Personally, I think our current culture needs a few lessons on being respectful to all! So sorry to read Miss O had a not so good Friday.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. “Stop copying me” is a timeless echo that reverberates through generations. I suspect hundreds of years from now, our great-great-great-great-great grandchildren will be uttering the same phrase, too!

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  12. I remember teaching my oldest daughter T to not just react but to be creative…I told her “Do it to me” she said “do it to me” and so on for a couple phrases until I said “dad is the best”..silence…”
    “T eats worms”..”I get it dad”.

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  13. You’re right about how we recycle things, think about food, fashion, home decor, architectural styles. The good thing is it’s mostly recycled with a new perspective, so we humans keep getting better at it. Except in the case of teasing, it’s definitely getting worse. Tell Miss O, her teasers are kittens compared to her. She’s a lion after all. Queen of the playground jungle.

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  14. Thanks Wynne. Yours is a good example of the challenge we all face. As a teacher, a parent and now a grandparent I’ve constantly walked that narrow tightrope…

    So many issues… explaining right from wrong… wanting to protect the innocent… helping youngsters to understand that others can be unkind – but they don’t have to be… encouraging a robust approach to life that enables strength and confidence… developing the maturity to recognise that those who cause hurt are often those who have been hurt themselves… discerning the best way forward… seeing the potential of our children to become more loving, compassionate…

    Once I thought it was easy!!

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    1. What a delightful and wise comment, Malcolm. Your list of all the things we want to teach – wow, you just nailed it. You’re right – not easy at all! Thanks for reading and commenting!

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