Flipping the Script So We’re Not Parked In Our Small Spaces

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“The more spacious and larger our fundamental nature, the more bearable the pains in living.” – Wayne Muller

The headlines from the news this week included a 6-year-old and her parents getting shot after a ball rolled into someone else’s yard, a cheerleader shot after realizing she had gone to the wrong car in a parking lot and trying to apologize, a teenager shot after pulling into the wrong driveway, another teenager (thankfully) healing after being shot when he went to the wrong address to pick up his siblings, a passenger on an airplane losing his cool over a crying baby.

Holy smokes – it just sounds like everyone is sitting a state of pain and fear just waiting to be lit up like a powder keg! That list makes me think of what happens when we get “parked in our small space” as my meditation teacher, Deirdre, describes. The state of being when everything and anything triggers us because we are already highly activated.

It goes without saying that most of us don’t react in any of the ways listed in the stories above. But I’ll speak personally to say that even when I keep my mouth shut and don’t show a surface reaction, being parked in my small space feels awful as I mutter obscenities in my head.

As opposed to when I’m feeling expansive and not only can I absorb the indignities of living but also I can even sometimes sit with others in their pain to help regulate their load. The small space/expansive state reminds me of a great story from the Book of Awakening by Mark Nepo:

“An aging Hindu master grew tired of his apprentice complaining, and so, one morning, sent him for some salt. When the apprentice returned, the master instructed the unhappy young man to put a handful of salt in a glass of water and then to drink it.

‘How does it taste?’ the master asked.

‘Bitter,’ spit the apprentice.

The master chuckled and then asked the young man to take the handful of salt and put it in the lake. The two walked in silence to the nearby lake, and once the apprentice swirled his handful of salt in the water, the old man said, ‘Now drink from the lake.’

As the water dripped down the young man’s chin, the master asked, ‘How does it taste?’

‘Fresh,’ remarked the apprentice.

‘Do you taste the salt?’ asked the master.

‘No,’ said the young man.

At this the master sat beside this serious young man who so reminded him of himself and took his hands, offering, ‘The pain of life is pure salt; no more, no less. The amount of pain in life remains the same, exactly the same. But the amount of bitterness we taste depends on the container we put the pain in. So when you are in pain, the only thing you can do is to enlarge your sense of things…Stop being a glass. Become a lake.'”

The Book of Awakening by Mark Nepo

When we flip our script and access our big space, everything seems less bitter. And we might even be able to help others flip their scripts as well. Or at the very least, not make it worse.

In the latest episode of Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast, I talk with my meditation teacher, Deirdre, about how to flip the script on small spaces so that we can thrive in the big spaces of empowerment. We also dig into holding space – how to sit with others in their pain and discomfort. We talk about breathing – inspired by Patti’s comment on the last podcast and her suggestion of the song “Breathe” by Anna Nalik.

If you need an antidote from the news, or just even want the calm balm of Deirdre’s voice and wisdom, I know you’ll love this episode.

Search (and subscribe!) for Sharing the Heart of the Matter on Apple, Amazon, Spotify or Pocket Casts or click here to listen to the podcast on Anchor: Episode 14: Holding Space with Deirdre Wilcox

And here are the show notes on the Heart of the Matter site: Episode 14 show notes

36 thoughts on “Flipping the Script So We’re Not Parked In Our Small Spaces”

  2. I agree with Rebecca. Life is inevitably filled with pain and suffering, but allowing the pain to spread out across a vast lake rather than stagnate in a small glass? Wow. What a wonderful reminder to start the day. Thanks, Wynne!

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Even though I’d heard the salt story before, it still had impact, or maybe being reminded of what I’d forgotten.

    That list of attacks is so scary – just how easy it can be to lose control. We all think ‘that would never be me’, but im sure some of those people thought the same. Thanks for bringing us an alternative approach Wynne. Looking forward to the podcast

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Such a good question, Michelle. Why can’t we have more grace? Is it because we are already so steeped in our pain that backing up a bit isn’t possible? I hope you enjoy the podcast!

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Your transformation of the stories of gun-related violence into a life lesson is important and useful, Wynne. But there were the guns — and the question hangs in the air — who turns such a weapon on children and what do those who lament it do or not do before tragedy visits their home.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh yes, you named the huge question that we have in front of us as a country and society. It seems like we can’t make any progress on that issue – are we going to keep upping the pain til we do?

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  13. That story you shared truly is powerful. Wow. I love it. The idea that pain is pain but the container we put it in impacts how we experience and taste it. It is so true when you sit and just think about it.

    Thank you for this lovely insight, Wynne. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The container we put it in – what a great way to put it, Ab. And that we can change the size of our own container! Whew, that’s big! 🙂

      Hope you all have a great weekend! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  15. “When we flip our script and access our big space, everything seems less bitter. And we might even be able to help others flip their scripts as well. Or at the very least, not make it worse.” – Great insight and advice!

    Liked by 1 person

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