Wind Beneath My Wings

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“There are two types of tired. One that requires rest and one that requires peace.” – unknown

On this past Friday morning it was clear that Mr. D had caught a bug. But his 3-year-old brain hadn’t quite registered that he wasn’t feeling well yet and had big plans to go outside without a coat on to collect rocks and leaves to paint.

Fortunately I had just listened to a great Ten Percent Happier podcast that featured Lisa Feldman Barrett, a professor of psychology at Northeastern University with appointments to Massachusetts General Hospital and Harvard Medical School. She was explaining that the primary function of our brain, evolutionarily speaking, is allostasis, “to predict and anticipate the needs of the body and attempt to meet those needs before they arise.” So the brain is trying to determine the salt, glucose and oxygen needs of the body and predictively distribute those resources as appropriate.

Dr. Barrett used the metaphor of body budgeting to expand on this concept. There are activities that expensive: learning new things, experiencing persistent uncertainty, exercising, and stress. And there are some things that are savings deposits: drinking water, sleeping, eating healthy foods. If I understand this metaphor correctly, the brain is trying to balance the budget and needs the deposits to outweigh the spending.

She also added that it’s not only our body that spends the budget but other people influence the system. Others can be a tax that deplete the account or they can be a sale –  they can make things cost less for those around them.

Isn’t that a great idea? And I imagine if you are like me, people spring to mind that tax you as do the ones that make life easier. Now I’m hearing Wind Beneath My Wings by Bette Middler. 

That whole image has me inspired not to be a tax, but instead a sale – to make expensive things, biologically speaking, cost less for others. We can support them as they learn, go along when they exercise and pour a glass of water when they need it most. And while we’re at it – we can do it for ourselves, as well.

Which brings me back to Mr. D wanting to go outside. I got him bundled him and we compromised that he’d ride in the stroller. We hadn’t been out for more than 15 minutes when he started really feeling tired and crummy. For the rest of the afternoon, he alternated napping and snuggling on my lap so I had plenty of time to contemplate how children know and accept letting other people help balance their systems.

Yet another thing I’m learning from my kids.

(featured photo from Pexels)

54 thoughts on “Wind Beneath My Wings”

  2. What a great way to look at relationships and our part in them! I hope to be a sale to people I care about, though I’m sure I’ve been a tax to some. Thank you for making me think, Wynne, as always! ❤️❤️

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    1. I’m right with you on that, Natalie! I suspect I go in phases where I’m more taxing than others. Nice to see you on this Monday even from half way round the world!! ❤ ❤ ❤

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      1. To clarify, I’d say the members of the leading edge of the Baby Boom had many fathers who believed it appropriate to raise all their children in the same way. Some claimed to have treated all their kids the same way. Any psychological understanding was frequently missing. The parent was there to teach the child, not to be enlightened by him or her. I can’t give you numbers, but that was something I observed as I grew up and after I went into practice.

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      2. Yes, I guessed that might have been what you were alluding to. My friends and I talk about being kids in the 70’s and never talking to our parents about how we felt about things. 🙂

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      3. Dr. Stein, I’m 60 and my mother lived in England until she was 19. Her takeaway about parenting? “Children should be seen but not heard”. She considered herself an authority on parenting, as she had taken a class for Kindergarten education, so she was very free with her opinions. Apart from Dr. Spock, there weren’t a lot of parenting books when I was a young mom, so I kind of winged it and followed my gut. I made my share of mistakes too.

        There are thankfully so many more resources for parents now!

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Absolutely, Tamara. And some of us have even learned from a few of our mistakes! And, even with adult children, I am still learning.

        Liked by 2 people

      5. Yes, me too! I’m continually learning from how my daughter parents her kids. She’s using a method called “gentle parenting” and it really seems to work.

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  4. Lovely post!
    I am mulling over this: “Others can be a tax that deplete the account or they can be a sale – they can make things cost less for those around them.”
    Thank you for this insightful post, Wynne.

    Liked by 5 people

    1. I’m so glad you agree. Such an interesting way to think about it. Except when I heard it (because it was a podcast), I thought she meant “sail.” But that image works too as being a piece of equipment that catches wind and moves people along faster. But I went back and listened again – sale works better with the metaphor.

      Thanks for reading and commenting, Cristiana!

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  7. Love all of this, well, except for the part about Mr. D not feeling well. ☹ Hope he’s doing a little better. I adore your stories about the wee ones, Wynne. So good…and the Dr. Barrett insights? Terrific.
    Yes…somewhere along the way I picked up the idea of emotional bank accounts…too many withdrawals and too few deposits makes for a very cranky Vicki. I’m no accountant but striving for a nicely balanced ‘balance sheet’ sure makes sense to me.
    Thank you for sharing…and cheers, just because, to you, D and Miss O. xo! ❤

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Nicely balanced balance sheet – that’s such a great way to put it, Vicki! And Mr. D is fine by today – thank you for your lovely comment that was so thoughtful for him too! Hugs back to you! ❤ ❤ ❤

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  9. I like balance and this way of thinking about what our brains do makes sense to me. I’m sorry Mr. D wasn’t feeling well, poor guy. But your takeaway from it is encouraging, in an egghead sort of way that I’ll be thinking about all day.

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  11. Hope Mr. D feels better soon! I heard about this concept vaguely before, but the concept of taxing items being on sale is a new one for me! thanks for sharing!

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  12. What a fantastic post, Wynne. I’ve never heard the phrase “body budgeting,” but it sure makes sense! I love that you pass these things on, and we’re able to benefit from your learnings. Also, hugs to Mr. D. I hope he feels right as rain soon!!

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  13. Certainly seems to be a reason to embrace that concept of balance doesn’t it? It’s the realization that we can make life harder for ourselves and others or we can find ways to make everyone’s life a bit better and easier.

    Liked by 3 people

  15. Oh I do love this post. The term “body budgeting” is new to me and what a great and simple to understand concept. I agree that we can do more to be mindful about budgeting our body’s needs as we would our real financial needs.

    I hope Mr D is feeling better. Definitely a bug going around. My T was off school for two days last week and sick for part of the weekend. Budget wisely as it’s gonna be a long flu season ahead!

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    1. Oh, I fear you are right about that long flu season. And once I heard the body budgeting concept, I thought of how much our little ones are learning (and exercising) every day. No wonder they need lots of sleep!

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  19. Oh wow, that kinda makes sense. Maybe that’s why my brain is so stingy with energy—because I love exercising and learning, lol. But yeah, a good life also revolves around the bigger picture, which includes nutrition and sleep, so we can’t just sacrifice one thing for another. Thanks for this illuminating post!

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    1. I love exercising and learning too. But I guess we need to make sure we’re balanced. Thanks for validating the experience and the great comment, Stuart!

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  21. Thank you for sharing!!.. in the past I had a teacher tell me that the day I need not learn and gather more knowledge was the day of my funeral…. 🙂

    Until we meet again..
    May your spirit only know peace
    May your heart only know love
    May all your dreams come true
    May your life’s journey be filled with happiness
    And life is all that you wish for it to be….
    (Larry “Dutch” Woller)

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