Interrupting the Pattern

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“All big things come from small beginnings. The seed of every habit is a single, tiny decision.” – James Clear

When my kids and I went on vacation a couple of weeks ago, Mr. D and Miss O had a room together with bunk beds. Little D was on the bottom and Miss O on top. Apparently every night D would wake up and not be able to find his favorite stuffy and wake his sister saying, “Lala, I can’t find real Bun Bun.”

Mis O would climb down the ladder and help him find his stuffy. This went on all week without me knowing because I think Miss O liked having older sister duties and being helpful.

But when we returned home and Mr. D was in his bedroom, all of a sudden I heard him calling out in the middle of the night, “I can’t find real Bun Bun.” I’d go in and groggily help him find where the little bunny was. Since sleep is critical to our household being able to function, I was not delighted by this new little touch point in the middle of the night.

It was by accident that one night we turned on the little fairy lights in Mr. D’s room. They added a little light and sparkle to a room that is pretty dark because of the heavy curtains necessary when we have our 16 hours of light summer days.

Mr. D didn’t call out the night the fairy lights were on. Once I figured that out, I’ve turned them on every night since and it interrupted the calling out.

This makes me think about how we create new habits. We think a lot about forming good habits – working out, eating healthier, starting a meditation practice. But there’s also a lot to be starting about not forming bad habits – thinking poorly of ourselves, deciding we need an extra cookie at the morning break, falling asleep in the downstairs chair.

As James Clear says in his book Atomic Habits, “The task of breaking a bad habit is like uprooting a powerful oak within us.” It seems so easy to observe new habits in my young children because they are so fresh from the source and they’re malleable. But what if we can also be intentional to stop patterns from grooving in? Maybe we just need to shine a little light on it.

What has helped you keep good habits or stop bad habits?

(featured photo from Pexels)

35 thoughts on “Interrupting the Pattern”

  1. Swooning over this post. Shine a little more light on it indeed!! I can probably list a number of habits that I need to change and maybe if I focus on them a little better… small changes will lead to bigger ones. Thanks for the amazing advice friend!

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  2. For exercise and eating well, they are their own reward because I feel better when I do them. That is not to say that I do them without fail. For sleeping habits, it is a perpetual challenge to keep following a routine. Thank goodness for naps. I like the light simile!

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      2. I hear you on these days leading up to the start. It’s sad to see the summertime ease end and I also want the ability to focus on work! Hope you fit in what’s needed!

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    2. Great question, Wynne, and a great way to introduce it. I like Rebecca’s answer, though for me it was/is having a partner in crime. Hubby and I are in this together, and having someone there on the journey with me, every day, through the daily struggle of exercise (it has yet to be something I yearn for, though it has clear rewards!), is what keeps us going!

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      2. When I was in school, I worked out in the early morning with a friend who insisted we meet on a street corner to go work out together, never in each other’s homes. Her thinking was that we’d never make each other wait in the wee hours of the morning on a street corner, but if we met in one of our homes, we’d just end up waking the other person 🙃 She was right!

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      3. Yes – a partner in crime does help so much! There have been times I haven’t wanted to hike or climb but knowing that I’d let down my friends has kept me at it. That’s so interesting about your friend’s idea to meet on a street corner, EW. That’s some great psychology!

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  4. Love your phrasing, Wynne…patterns ‘grooving in’….and thank you for inviting us into your discovery with Mr. D and the fairy lights.
    The whole concept of self-soothing is a big one for me. For a new habit to stick and pay off over time, a little comfort alongside that which is unfamiliar, scary or daunting helps. My brain is wired for the ‘risk/reward’ dance…for every good-for-me habit I abide by, I make sure there’s a prize. 😉 Sometimes, it’s just a keto ice cream bar if I minded my carbs that day, LOL.
    xo! ❤

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  5. I’ve had some really bad habits, and I think having them and knowing how hard it was to quit them prevented me from acquiring other ones later on. But the reminder to not let a negative behaviour set is a good one. Lovely post 💖

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  6. I think there’s something to the idea that by surrounding yourself with others who either want to stop a bad habit or start on something positive you might find greater inspiration to reach your goal. I’m pretty good with starting positive habits on my own, but the bad ones and trying to change them were/are never very successful when I’m surrounded by those who continue to be a negative influence.

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  7. A few years ago I learned about Neural Pathways, and that every thought and action creates a new pathway. Habits are simply the layering of these pathways until they become highways, and feel like they’re firmly entrenched.

    The secret to forming a new habit is simply to start thinking new thoughts and to do new actions! Never mind about trying to obliterate the old, for simply doing the new thing often enough will result in those highways shifting position to the new one!

    When I observe myself getting into a groove I’m not wishing to continue, I try to just do the one I want to do.

    This is so stress relieving, for it really helps to remove the guilt and the judgmental thoughts I used to have about myself! (PS I write about that fairly frequently, in one form or another!)

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    1. I love your wisdom that you added to this post, Tamara. You do have a lot of great posts on the subject. And the information that we don’t have to obliterate the old, as you put it so well but just groove the new is such a great way to move forward.

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      1. It’s the scientific method! Doesn’t that just lift a whole lot of weight off your shoulders? I know I felt positively blissful to learn that! LOL!

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  8. What a fortuitous and serendipitous discovery Wynne. I’m so happy for you and your sleep and Mr D too!

    I agree with you that small seeds planted yield returns down the road. To keep a good habit going for me is as you said – gotta plant the seed and then watering it everyday. Without that discipline, that seed will just wither into nothingness again.

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    1. Isn’t that lucky about the sleep? As I’m sure you well know, that is such a big deal with these little ones!

      Watering it everyday – yes!! Great way to extend the metaphor!!

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  10. You nailed two of my worst habits- extra cookies and falling asleep in the chair downstairs. My wife does neither of those and I keep saying I need to follow her example, but too often don’t. A little more attention to not starting bad habits would do me good!

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  11. interesting post with intriguing ideas from those making comments… Some of my habits form, and are hard to de-form, come from when I get “ill, unwell, unexpected” etc. But also when well meaning or professionals suggest “do this, not that” and not actually realising “no can do”

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    1. Such an interesting perspective that habits come from times when we are jolted out of our routines, Catherine. And yes, all sorts of people can tell us to do or not do things – I suppose that’s where the phrase, “easier said than done” comes from!

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