Freedom and Responsibility

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“Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.” – Gandhi

A couple of days ago I converted Mr. D’s crib to a big boy bed by taking off one of the sides. I kept the crib thing going as long as I could because it’s so comforting to have a child stay where you put them but he’s been exercising his ability to push boundaries by climbing out so it was time.

The first night he got out of bed after I said “good-night” a couple of times, fell out of bed, and the next morning he got up 30 minutes early and woke his sister.

Of course I went through this with Miss O a few years ago but I’m reminded again of the lessons that freedom brings.

When we have freedom – to go anywhere we like or to use our time the way we wish or because we are the boss and no one tells us what to do – it is so exciting. Then we have to decide how to use it.

After the newness wears off, we have to learn to have self-control. We get to choose – within the limits of what is responsible and respectful of other people. We have to make decisions that don’t negatively impact our loved ones or people around us.

And when there’s more freedom, then everyone has to enforce their boundaries. In this case, Mr. D’s ability to pop out of bed is infringing on my ability to have morning kid-free sacred time and Miss O’s ability to sleep.

While kids who are almost 3-years-old are not the most reasonable people to talk and negotiate with, I find that having a strong relationship and consistent conversations about what does and does not work for everyone eventually gets through.

In the days that Miss O was learning how to manage her big bed freedom, I would turn on the Tibetan meditation chant music and say that if she got up early, the only option was to meditate with me. It didn’t take long for her to decide to stay in bed. I did the same with Mr D. except I notice that having another child there as a co-conspirator makes the conversation harder.

Yes, this is perhaps a strained analogy to the state of freedom in the US. But on this July 4th, may we remember that freedom comes with the responsibility to exercise self-control, be respectful of the others around us, the requirement to keep talking with each other and enforce our boundaries. Sometimes freedom works for us and sometimes the freedoms of others make us feel a little crazy and grumpy.  We have to keep working for the middle ground where freedom and respect are in balance. We made this bed and now we need to lie in it. 🙂

Happy 4th everyone!

34 thoughts on “Freedom and Responsibility”

  1. Well said Wynne! I cannot agree more on what you wrote about freedom, all what the implications are. Happy 4th to you (to me it is an usual working day, but I share the values!)

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  3. A most appropriate analogy and reminder for Independence Day, Wynne. Although I haven’t been an American for a very long time, we all want America to achieve this healthy balance. Having just dealt with cleaning up the coffee we spilled in bed before getting back in to read the news and do our puzzles (ah, retirement!), a follow-on analogy might be that sometimes we have to refresh the bed we’ve made to lie in! 😏😊 Happy 4th!

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    1. Oh, I’m sorry to hear about your coffee but I’m glad that you can refresh the bed and then climb back in. That sounds wonderful! And I didn’t know that you were formerly an American. Oh, what a fun thing to learn!

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  6. Happy 4th of July to my American friends! It’s a great analogy, Wynne, and yes, many do not understand that with freedom comes personal responsibility. Also many do not want the responsibility, so lately they too easily relinquish basic human freedoms that were hard won, not just in America, but around the world. “America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves.” ~ Abraham Lincoln

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    1. It’s a lot of work to give little humans their freedom, isn’t it Rebecca? May we all remember our corresponding responsibilities. Happy 4th!

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  8. I like that you mention “the requirement to keep talking with each other” in the same sentence as “enforcing boundaries”..I think that sometimes people do one or the other and continuing the conversation while maintaining boundaries is so important. Love the post and the reminder to be responsible with our freedoms.🌻🌸

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  9. Congrats to Mr D for gaining some new freedoms. And I laughed out loud at your deterrent for Ms O to get up early. What genius!

    I agree with you that freedom is a privilege and is earned and with it comes responsibility. That word gets thrown around these days as political leverage as well and on this day, your message is even more resonant.

    Hope you three are enjoying a wonderful 4th of July together!

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    1. Hee, hee. Sometimes Tibetan chants make ME want to go back to bed! 🙂

      It seems like the freedom/responsibility balance is out of whack in the US so I suppose I’ve been thinking about it a lot. May we all learn to handle it all better!

      Thanks, Ab!

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  12. True! With freedom comes great responsibility! My parents were pre-Independence kids and grew through the struggle for Independence. And would often remind us, post Independence kids, about our responsibility. I hope you don’t mind me correcting you, but the name is spelled Gandhi… the Father of the (Indian) Nation.

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      1. Thank you, Wynne! Yes, my parents had some great experiences growing up through those years. Especially my father. He even fought in WW II . He was in the Indian Royal Navy.

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    1. Love this comment, Natalie! I’m going to remember that parenting is just a whole lot of opportunities for learning, teaching and discovery! Beautifully put!!

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  14. I love your way of parenting. You’re an amazing mom and I love that you crossed allowing your kids to have constructive freedom with the Fourth of July! Incredible work and advice

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  16. Sounds like something Uncle Ben (not the rice guy) might say to Peter Parker.

    Also, Tibetan meditation chant music as aversion therapy? You, my friend, are a genius! Wish I’d thought of that when my kids were still waking up at hours I deemed too ungodly.

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