Do One Thing Well

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“A year from now, what will I wish I had done today?” – unknown

Deep into the section on expectations in Brené Brown’s book Atlas of the Heart, I had a huge a-ha moment. She was talking about a conversation with her husband in which they both confessed to each other that they had an easier time parenting on the weekends they did it solo. Because they set aside their expectations to be able to do anything other than parent for that weekend.

This put a shape to the experience I have had as a single parent. Because I never expect that someone else will take the night shift or be there on the weekend, I have had to set really clear boundaries on the work and hobbies that I do because I know I won’t be able to duck out for a couple of hours.

That means that nights and weekends, I pretty much focus on hanging out with my kids. I do get a few chores around the house done with their “help.” The tradeoff for giving up Saturday morning hiking with my friends has been the gift of not believing I can try to do both things.

I know many of my parenting friends do an incredibly great job of splitting up the parental labor. One person will do the 9am-noon shift on Saturdays so that the other can go swimming and then they switch and the other gets “time off.” I have a pretty good inkling that if I was doing parenting with a partner that I would try for that approach and be a lot more confused about what I could handle.

I don’t know who said “Do one thing at a time and do it well.” My mom? Winnie-the-Pooh? Or maybe it’s not ascribed to a particular person because everyone who has learned the wisdom repeats it. When I wrote the post a couple of weeks ago about being invited to climb a mountain this summer, so many of my dear and wise blogging friends reminded me that parenting goes fast and there will likely be time to return to my hobbies later.

I believe that at some point I will have a partner again and more personal freedom. However, there isn’t anything I would trade for this uncomplicated time where I learned to really spend time with my children and enjoy it. Sometimes not having help forces us to distinctly draw boundaries we wouldn’t know to set otherwise.

(featured photo from Pexels)

19 thoughts on “Do One Thing Well”

  1. Thank you for sharing!!… what may work for you and your family may not work for another family and vice versa… in the end you and your children should decide on how to live your life, not try to live up to the expectations of others… “It is not easy to find happiness within ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.” (Agnes Repplier ) so following the hearts and dreams of you and your children are the only way to happiness… “Don’t be pushed around by the fears in your mind. Be led by the dreams in your heart.” ( Roy T. Bennett )… 🙂

    Until we meet again..
    May the love that you give
    Always return to you,
    That family and friends are many
    And always remain true,
    May your mind only know peace
    No suffering or strife,
    May your heart only know love and happiness
    On your journey through life.
    (Larry “Dutch” Woller)

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  2. Another great post, Wynne–thank you for sharing it! Right now, right where you “are,” you’re at the right place, right time. Only the little egoic ‘i” would attempt to convince you otherwise. 🙏

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    1. Oh, good – it’s such an interesting walk through the human heart. You might like “The Gifts of Imperfection” by Brene Brown too because it has some specific guide posts to living a whole-hearted life. But I think wherever you start, she’s an amazing author/story-teller/researcher to read and I hope you enjoy it!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you for this information, Wynne! I am really looking forward to reading her work. I am seeing a lot of people here on WordPress talking about her, and last night…Atlas of the Heart was mentioned in my Dharma recovery zoom meeting. I will be on the lookout for “The Gifts of Imperfection” as well. Have a blessed day! 🙂

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  5. I found myself on my own as a parent when my youngest was ten, and the first thing I noted was how much easier it was to parent on my own. Insightful write.

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  6. I have great admiration for single parents. I really don’t know how you do it – but this post gives me a glimpse into just how you do it.

    Multi-tasking is overrated and being able to singularly focus on one thing at a time and doing it well should be promoted and encouraged more.

    So good for you! 🙏👍😊

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    1. I think parenting is hard any way you do it – but we all get to take comfort in whatever advantage we can. Right, Ab? It seems like you and your hubby have figured out a great way to divide and conquer as well as both focus on parenting. It’s impressive to see how you do it too!

      And thank you for the lovely comment!

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    1. Thank you for such a lovely comment, Cristiana. I think two parents is the best thing for kids – but since I went down this route, I might as well learn from it! 🙂

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