Why Wine?

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“Longer-term consistency trumps short-term intensity.” – Bruce Lee

I can still remember being at an 8th grade party when a boy from school, Corey, came up to me and told me he had a crush on me. He had been drinking and was acting all goofy. Because none of the rest of us were drinking (or ever had), it was my friend that took me aside to explain that alcohol made people reveal their true feelings.

Which is something that I hadn’t updated until I recently heard a Super Soul Sunday with Oprah and Malcom Gladwell. In the podcast, there were discussing his book Talking to Strangers and revealed “Many of those who study alcohol no longer consider it an agent of disinhibition. Instead they think of it as an agent of myopia.”

According to this Psychology Today article, myopia in the context of alcohol means short-sightedness. It means we lose perspective, our ability to place our actions in the context of anything other than the current moment and consider the long-term consequences.

Which explains my recent response when a friend came over to dinner and asked if I wanted a glass of red wine. I said, “No, it makes me a crappy parent.” It makes me feel tired. This is surprising because I love red wine and used to drink copious amounts of it. But now, it not only means I will not sleep well but it also creates an impatience in me that feels uncomfortable.

Putting this feeling together with the research, I think I rely a great deal on perspective to be an understanding and supportive parent. I need the long view to energize me. When I see my kids’ actions in the context of learning the overall lessons in life, I feel an expansiveness to give them room to grow. When I’m feeling myopic, I am feel hemmed in by the mess and chaos of now.

Corey and I never talked about his crush once he sobered up. While I felt that giddy attention for the night he said it, the light of day squashed it. It’s a little like how I feel about wine now – I like the idea of it far more than I like the actual experience of it. It seems that perspective, in love and in parenting, is a very good thing.

(featured photo from Pexels)

20 thoughts on “Why Wine?”

  1. Red wine makes me tired too, because it has a direct effect on my blood sugar, which is already low (Hypoglycemia). However, I have learned that if I eat something with protein, say at dinner, and then sip wine WITH the protein dinner, the effect of feeling tired doesn’t happen. So, no more sipping on an empty stomach, or ‘to take the edge off’. Also, water before and after red wine is crucial to keep me from getting that headache the next day (not from being hung over, but from being dehydrated).

    For me, giving up the casual sipping but enjoying red wine with a meal occasionally (in moderation) has worked. I appreciate the taste.

    But if I overindulge a little, yes, I do hear my mouth begin talking more than normal (and I’m not usually a talker in social circumstances…). 😀

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  2. What a beautiful perspective Wynne and one that draws on an earlier experience. I have to say I completely relate. I too love wine, but one glass occasionally is more than enough. I do believe I like it more for the romantic ambiance it creates when holding the glass and lightly sipping it, rather than the misplaced euphoria offered by the alcohol. I love how you’ve provided insight into the myopic side of imbibing. I’ve never thought of it like that, but it certainly seems to be accurate. The state of myopia also dampens our self awareness creating a chasm between us and ourselves. Your children truly are blessed. Thank you for this lovely post.

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    1. Oh, I love this sentence, “The state of myopia also dampens our self awareness creating a chasm between us and ourselves.” That is deep.

      And you nailed the feeling that I think appeals to me in the “idea’ of wine. It’s an ambiance and expectation of relaxation, I supposed. I’m glad that it’s not just me that finds my relationship with alcohol changing over time. Thanks for adding your take!

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  3. First off I think you’re winning at the game of parenting by using the perspective of long term learning goals versus reacting to the often chaotic here and now view. I wish I had understood more of that as I parented young kids. As to alcohol…so much conflict in that for me. Alcoholic parents, and a good portion of my family, probable alcoholic ex-husband. I had my moments when young believe me, and did some things that were really stupid after drinking. Claudette wrote about the effects she experiences. I find even an ounce of wine anymore sets off the same reactions. It’s not worth it. I still love the idea of a lovely glass of good red wine, but it a very rare thing in my life anymore.

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    1. Thank you, Deb! There are some advantages to being 52 while parenting young children, and I think the long view is one of them. On the other hand, my body aches a lot. 🙂

      It’s funny how with these effects (and family history) that we all still love the “idea” of a glass of wine. But the reality is so much less fun. I’m with you – it’s fine to keep as a rare thing!

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  4. Ahh, nothing like liquid courage for an adolescent brimming with big emotions. 😊

    It’s interesting to see how our relationship with alcohol changes as we get older.

    I used to be a social drinker but admittedly don’t really drink much. In the early part of this year, the hubby and I tried making “social punch” on the weekends to unwind to replace the feeling of going out on a Saturday night. But admittedly, I didn’t enjoy feeling sluggish on the Sunday, so that didn’t last very long. I agree with you that the benefits have to be considered against the impact on our ability to function as a parent to our children! 😊🙏

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    1. I’m howling at your first sentence. That was exactly it!

      Yes, our relationship with alcohol changes. What an interesting experiment you and Hubby did – but it smacks right up against reality. My mind thinks it still should be fun — but my body doesn’t! And our kids don’t slow down just because we feel sluggish, do they? 🙂

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  5. I could never developed a taste for alcohol. A rare glass of wine was all I could muster and then I stopped because of a liver condition. Honestly I am glad. I hated being dizzy and the effort of being extra cautious of what I ought to say and do. 😀

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  7. As I said, I do like a few glasses of wine…but I honestly don’t care whether others around me drink or not. That’s totally their choice and I would never interfere. It does make me laugh though when I read other bloggers …”I had two sips of wine at dinner yesterday and now I feel so ill…” The placebo effect?

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      1. Slightly confused but I usually have a glass before dinner and then another with food?

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  8. So good of you to be aware and to pay attention. I don’t like when I’m impatient with my kids. I think that’s likely just due to being tired at times, but maybe I’ll pay closer attention to see if there’s another factor involved. BTW, I love Malcolm Gladwell. I’ve read that book. He has great insights from his research.
    Also, I intend to steal your Bruce Lee quote for a future post! Just that one sentence elicits a blog idea for me.

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    1. You’ve inspired me to get back to reading the entire book. I love Malcom Gladwell as well. He has such a great way of synthesizing things! And yes – steal away. I’m sure you can put that Bruce Lee quote in way better context than I can! 🙂 Can’t wait to read that post…

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