“The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.” – Mark Twain

I inherited my dad’s folder of quotes and jokes. He was still collecting these 13 years after he retired from being a Presbyterian pastor, probably because he still did a lot of speaking engagements. He knew there’s nothing like a belly laugh to make us fully exhale and then deeply breathe into the delight of the day.

So here’s one from his file – the results from the Washington Post 2006 Neolologism Contest where they ask readers to supply alternate meanings for common words:

1. Coffee
   (n.) the person upon whom one coughs
2. Flabbergasted
   (adj.) appalled over how much weight you have gained
3. Abdicate
   (n.) to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach
4. Esplanade
   (v.) to attempt an explanation whilst drunk
5. Willy-nilly
   (adj.) impotent
6. Negligent
   (adj.) describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightgown
7. Gargoyle
   (n.) olive-flavored mouthwash
8. Flatulence
   (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller
9. Balderdash
   (n.) a rapidly receding hairline
10. Testicle
    (n.) a humorous question on an exam
11. Rectitude
    (n.) the formal dignified bearing adopted by proctologists
12. Pokemon
    (n.) A Rastafarian proctologist