Tag: groundedness

Stubborn Acceptance

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“Wherever I go, I meet myself.” – Tozan

My friend Eric, called me stubborn this weekend. He didn’t say it directly to me but as an aside to my mom loud enough for me to hear because I didn’t want the pots in the dishwasher. It didn’t call for an answer but it’s an observation he’s made before so I thought about more deeply as my reactions rolled through me.

First, I got defensive and started wanting to point out all the ways and times that I am flexible.

Then, I got argumentative and created a list in my head of all the ways he is stubborn.

Next, associations started to weigh in and it reminded me of when my ex-husband used to call me in-de-pen-dent in four long syllables that made it clear it wasn’t a compliment.

And then I finally rolled to acceptance. It’s probably true. I’ve gotten a whole lot done in my life because I am pretty determined. This is the shadow side of that.

I wonder why it takes me so long to accept who I am. Probably because I’m stubborn. 😉

But I have hope because my determination to sit and meditate every day seems to help me cycle through all the defenses, arguments, and associations with less friction. It makes me think of the word humble and it’s origins in Latin from humus, meaning ground. Sitting on the ground meditating brings a repeated lesson of my small place in this Divine mystery, a humility that keeps me moving toward the reality of who I am and shedding of who I’m not. I find that most everything works better when I’m grounded.

(featured photo from Pexels)

Reconnecting

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“Take everything in the palms of your hands and see what’s worth keeping, then blow the rest away with a breath of kindness.” – Cherokee saying

When we returned from our four nights away this past weekend, I noticed that my toddler went around touching everything. He fingered his toys, he opened the pantry, he got down on the floor and felt under the couch, he lifted the top of the toy cubby, he sidled along the couch while running his hand along, he went outside and ran his hand along each planter. It was fascinating to watch him wander around and reconnect.

It reminds me of the way I’ve felt disconnected upon returning home, especially from longer trips. I’ve felt the huge shift between all the newness of what I’ve just seen and experienced and the ease and familiarity of my home. In those moments, my heart feels full wrapped in the comfort of the space I call home but my head is still gone, sorting what’s important.

And it happens not only when I’ve traveled but also when I’ve gone through life events, big like my dad’s sudden death or small like just when I’ve finished a work project. Moments when I’m at a loss about what comes next, untethered and unsure how to integrate what I’ve learned with who I am. When it happens, I realize how much I often rely on routine to tell me what’s next. Somehow my world has changed and I have to reinsert myself in the flow.

It seems like my son’s method of touching everything contains some basic wisdom. It’s a way of being grounded. Touch everything with your hands until your head and your heart catch up.

The Lightening Rod for Big Feelings

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“The best way out is always through.” – Robert Frost

It’s my sister-in-law’s last day of nannying for me. The kids are aware of it but since they live so much in the now, it’s not as much that they focus on that information but the air is crackling with change and they sense it. It reminds me of the song my daughter sings about lightning: “Electricity gathers in a cloud, When frozen rain and bits of ice are bumping all around, Electricity leaping towards the ground, Lightning is the flash of light, Thunder is its sound.”

Just like with thunder storms, that energy has to go somewhere and in most cases, I find that I’m the lightening rod for my kids. They’ve bravely keep their little selves together until they see me and then it all comes bursting out. Lightning rods work because they draw the strike and then are wired to ground so that the energy is discharged safely into the earth. If a lightning rod is not wired to the ground, it provides no added protection to the structure.

I’m the conduit for my family’s emotion because my kids aren’t old enough to process many of the big feelings that come along with trying, getting hurt and having little control over the circumstances of life. And it’s not just kids that bleed off their pain and uncertainty. But to be the safe place for someone else’s emotions without endangering ourselves, we have to be connected to the ground. The danger of not being is that the electricity stays within us, causing damage to our organs, flashing out somewhere else unexpectedly or perhaps worst of all, building up until it’s a layer of charge that buffers our enjoyment of life. Completing the analogy, if we aren’t grounded we will not provide any added protection to the structure.

As with so much in parenting, I do much better with big feelings and changes if I take care of myself so I find myself continually working on my grounding. All week I have been getting up extra early, meditating to find that awareness that is bigger than my fear of the unknown, writing to process it all, and lying on the ground, ostensibly to stretch but even more to remind myself that there are many things that hold me up as life shifts. Leaning in towards the raw power of transformation and change, I find my center that is there through it all.