beginning – Surprised By Joy

“Do the difficult things when they are easy and do the great things when they are small. A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.” – Lao Tzu

When my toddler learned to walk about a year and a half ago, he would slowly teeter his way to standing and then do what looked like a couple of deep knee bends to gain momentum before thrusting his foot forward. It was a great visual on preparing to get moving. I think of it often when I’m starting something.

Often when I get out the yoga mat, spread it on the floor, light the candles all around, I find myself just standing on the front of the mat, feeling the stiffness of my body straight out of bed and the reluctance to start.

Or I’ll have a tedious task at work, one that requires me to block out everything else to do it but I stall at the start finding five other things to do that don’t require the commitment.

And when I have an idea of what I want to write about sometimes before I can even put my fingers on the keyboard, I get lost because I get distracted by trying to map out where the thread will end.

I’ve come to think of that pause before beginning as a gathering. It’s the natural pause that allows my heart, mind and spirit to all show up. I used to have a great deal of impatience with this delay thinking it was a lack of willpower.

But now I recognize the beauty of it and see how often it is that I do daily tasks like the dishes without being all there. That’s okay for the things I do by rote but for things that require true presence, I’ve come to relish the practice of gathering my heart and soul.

If I’m too much in my head, I get distracted because the end isn’t clear. If I’m too much in my body, I feel the inertia that prevents me from beginning. But when the spirit comes to join the rest, it moves me into gear. Sometimes, I picture my toddler and do some deep knee bends, literal or metaphorical, as I gather and get ready to go.

This idea seemed perfect to post for a Monday. Do you ever have trouble starting? Or a ritual that helps move you into gear?

“Inspiration usually comes during work, rather than before it.” – Madeleine L’Engle

Last summer I decided to paint the exterior of my house. Not knowing if I could really do it, I just thought I’d start with the south facing side that needed it the most. I was not changing the color so I told myself I could at the very least try and if I couldn’t do it, formulate a different plan. I purchased the supplies, pulled out my 20 foot ladder, started with the roller with an extension and tried to get the highest boards above my back patio. I must have gone up and down that ladder 20 times in the first few boards – changing where I put the paint, putting on different shoes, remembering the paint rag, taking off the roller extension, putting it back on. I was shaky at first but kept adapting the system until I got into a rhythm. The process reminded me of so much of Madeleine L’Engle’s quote.

It happens to me every time I write. I know that any blogger that reads this will relate. I sit down to do it and what comes out is usually different than what I thought I was writing. Something happens in the middle that as I write, it’s changing me and I’m changing where I’m going and how I think. It’s funny how thinking about doing it and actually doing it are two very different things.

And parenting – I wrote that post about how I joked before I had kids that I was going to run a family like I was a referee and I could use calls from any sport I could think of. Which was a little in jest but telling for how I thought parenting calls would be easy to make. I know both my style and how I feel about it have changed with the first and again with the second child. It’s not until you are elbow deep in diapers that the epiphanies come – about love, messiness and vulnerability.

I find out over and over again that the key with all these life endeavors is starting. Because waiting until it’s all wrapped up in a bow in my mind is never how it is finished. It’s a messy process of participating in the creation and unfolding of life. It’s jumping in and trying something and discovering something in the trying. It feels like I learn and relearn this. Every time I jump into a new venture, I think it’s going to be perfect at the start. It never is and then I have to adjust my thinking to remember that isn’t failure, it’s the process.

When I started painting the house, I thought I’d just do the most weathered boards. After all, it was a silly thing to do when I had no time because of kids and work. But I found it to be so satisfying to see the house change that over the next few weeks, I moved on to do almost off of the house except the highest portions. My mom thought it was such a great idea that she came over to help too! Inspiration usually comes during the work, rather than before it.

Tag: beginning

To Start

The Process