Expansiveness

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“People change when we are cherished.” – Father Gregory Boyle

This was previously published on 8/31/2022 – heads up, you may have already read this.

When my inquisitive daughter was about 3 ½ years old, we had a conversation about perspective. We looked out our back door at the houses around and I asked her to count how many she could see. Three. Then we went to the second floor and I helped her count – seven. And then we went to the roof, looked at all the houses we could see and concluded it was more than she had numbers for. I told her something like “This is what perspective looks like when you get older, you know that everything fits into a larger picture and you are able to see more of it.”

Even for my very verbal daughter, this was mostly lost on her but I could see her trying to think about it. When I recently heard a Ten Percent Happier podcast with Father Gregory Boyle and he presented the most expansive view of love and its power to change that I’ve ever heard, I felt a little like my daughter trying to understand perspective. His view is so big and powerful, that it might take me years of practice to fully understand.

 Father Gregory is a Jesuit priest whose work as a pastor in the poorest parish in Los Angeles that was also in the area with the highest gang activity led him to start Homeboy Industries. It’s a number of different businesses than serve to employ and train former gang members and serve the community.

Even though Father Gregory was talking about love in terms of gang intervention, a topic that has little intersection with my experience of life, his expansiveness offers a whole-hearted practice of love that I found mind blowing in its potential to change us from the inside out. Here’s how he described it in a nutshell:

“The practice – Catch yourself before you are judgmental. How do you stand in awe at what people have to carry rather than in judgment at how they carry it? You are catching yourself all the time.”

Father Gregory Boyle

And when he was asked if he ever messes that up his reply was, “Only all the time.”  

Providing more detail on the practice, Father Gregory described,

“So part of the invitation is to catch yourself. Our hard wiring would direct us to demonize. Demonizing is always the opposite of the truth. You are about to do it with the shooter in Uvalde. At no point are you cosigning on bad behavior. You are just saying two certain things. Everyone is unshakably good.  We all belong to each other.

“Now let’s roll up our sleeves. How do we help people? How do we pay attention? How do we notice people before they buy high-powered weapons? How do we include people? How do we move people out of the isolation that depletes their sense of hope? How do we infuse people with hope for whom hope is foreign?”

Father Gregory Boyle

 Father Gregory just buried his 255th kid that died as a result of gang violence. And yet he still is touting this incredibly hopeful vision of how we belong to each other. The work he’s done over 40 years is phenomenal, heart-breaking and transformative. His take on burnout and how to avoid it was fascinating.

“You go to the margins not to make a difference, you go to the margins so that the folks there make you different. If you go to the margins to save the day, and rescue people, fix people or even to make a difference, it’s about you and it can’t be about you. So you burn out. You burn out not because you are so compassionate but because you made it about you.”

Father Gregory Boyle

Like any athlete that has practiced his or her jump shot so many times that it looks easy in their hands, Father Gregory makes loving people no-matter-what sound simple. I know, as I suspect we all do, that it isn’t easy. But maybe that’s something that perspective teaches us – that simple ideas when practiced over and over again have amazing power to change.

For a light-hearted post about loving whoever shows up, please see my Wise & Shine post today: The Inspiration to Write: A Short Vignette

41 thoughts on “Expansiveness”

  1. The cleric does sound like a remarkable man. More like him could transform the world. But since we lack the Xerox machine to create them immediately, we are left to transform ourselves by doing the work he does for others. Thanks, Wynne.

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    1. Ah, what an insightful comment, Dr. Stein. “we are left to transform ourselves by doing the work he does for others.” Wow, that is going to stay with me as a practice to live by.

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  2. Wouldn’t it be wonderful Wynne if Father Gregory’s loving wisdom for others would prevail in the hearts and minds of our nation’s populace and its politicians?

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    1. Wouldn’t it be wonderful? Yes!! I love how you’ve extended this vision for where we need to go and maybe if enough of us do it, could someday get there. It reminds me of 1 Peter 4 where Jesus preaches the gospel “even to the dead”

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  6. Catching ourselves…such a simple concept with the potential to transform. Love, love, love. And your wisdom to Miss O about perspective? Love your parenting moments, Wynne. xo! 🥰

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    1. I’m giggling a bit about that moment with Miss O. It was a little mistimed- by probably about 5 years! 🙂 But it leads to the types of discussions we have today about everything and anything!

      Catching ourselves — yes! Isn’t that brilliant?

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  9. “This is what perspective looks like when you get older, you know that everything fits into a larger picture and you are able to see more of it.” — I love your quote almost as much as the Father’s. What a generous spirit he has.

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  10. Father Boyle sounds like a wonderful person and one of the rarer people with a truly open mind and heart. Gang violence affected individuals come from hard backgrounds and it’s often not by choice and it’s heartening to see his hopeful vision amongst all the loss and grief.

    I also love the exercise you did with Miss O – I think I commented the same on your original post. What a clever way to introduce a concept to her. I bet she would get it now if you tried it again!

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    1. I love your encouragement to try the perspective experiment again. Hmm, I’m going to do that and report back.

      Your comment about Father Gregory being one of the rare people with an open mind and heart – wow, you nailed it. Thanks, Ab!

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  15. Bravo – ““This is what perspective looks like when you get older, you know that everything fits into a larger picture and you are able to see more of it.” You have the best parenting moment – perhaps a book on them in the future!

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  17. Wow, this lesson and example of transformative love is absolutely incredible! Yes, we need hundreds and hundreds of people like him, each one dedicated to bettering people’s experiences here. He lives on a high plateau where most of us cannot see ourselves daring to think of living on, so we do our best where we are. We need to see examples, and also to see ways we could help even if it is for a few hours!

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      1. Even if we only achieve doing a tenth of what he has, we will still contribute enormously!

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  18. Father G, came to the school where I taught and gave a talk about Homeboy Industries because we choose his book as our summer read. He’s amazing. What a incredibly kind man and a large heart and the courage to live out his beliefs. It was such a privilege to meet him. Hugs, C

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  19. Love that simple lesson in perspective…and Father Gregory is such an inspiration! I love his reply “Only all the time” 💞💞💞

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