The Right Reward

Posted in inspirationTagged , , ,

“Don’t start chasing applause and acclaim. That way lies madness.” – Ron Swanson

Writing about my trek to Everest Base camp for the Heart of the Matter blog yesterday, made me think of my friend, Sue, and her journey to climb Everest. She and her husband, Phil, didn’t summit in the 2001, the year I went with them to base camp. (Phil had already summitted in 1984 as the first American to climb the North side of Everest).

But they did top out together in 2002 and became the first couple to do all seven summits. The seven summits is the achievement of reaching the highest peak on each of the seven continents that Dick Bass made popular. Phil was one of Dick Bass’s guides for many of Dick’s climbs so when Phil finally went to Australia to climb Mt. Kosciuszko (this one is literally just a walk in the park), he became the 8th person in the world to do all seven summits.

Then he married Sue. Since Phil was guiding many of the big peaks and she joined him when her scheduled allowed, before she knew it, she’d climbed most of the seven summits and wanted to do them all. Finally, they summitted Everest in 2002 and became the first couple to do all seven.

After they landed back in Seattle, they were scheduled for all sorts of shows and appearances. But it was their appearance on the Today show that was notable because the morning they were on was right after the 2002 rescue disaster on Mt. Hood. In that unfortunate incident, nine climbers had fallen into the crevasse and three died in the fall. While trying to evacuate the rest, the rescue helicopter crashed onto the mountain and rolled over at one of the rescuers. Fortunately, no one else died and they eventually rescued both the climbers and rescuers.

So, Phil and Sue went on the Today show and from what I remember, the only thing the interviewers wanted to talk about is the Mt. Hood situation. Not their years in the making ascent of these remarkable peaks, their tries and their failures, but a rescue for which neither Phil nor Sue had first-hand knowledge. I think I was more irritated about the Today show questions than Sue and Phil were and they handled it beautifully. They went on to write a book about their experiences, Together on Top Of the World, and Sue became a motivational speaker.

It reminds me of the comedian Seth Myers who hosted the White House Correspondents dinner the night Osama bin Laden was found. The next morning no one was talking about his jokes or the great job he did because it was all eclipsed by the Osama bin Laden raid.

The overall lesson that I take away is that the reward for our efforts must be found within or close to the effort. Like the reward for climbing mountains is overcoming tough inner and outer conditions to keep going. And the payoff for writing is the beauty of stringing together words that sing to our human experience. If telling a joke, the prize might be cracking ourselves up. And when we love something well, the reward is the expansiveness of our own heart growing.

Because if we are counting on the spotlight and applause from others, they might just go off-script or look away at the wrong moment. But we can glow from within in any case.

(featured photo from Pexels)

51 thoughts on “The Right Reward”

  1. Wynne, you’ve drawn such an important lesson for your readers from your summitting story, an example of strength, courage, and tenacity that most of us can’t begin to imagine. This is SO true, we need to find our rewards from within. It’s very hard not to be disappointed by someone, especially a loved one, not evincing admiration and/or gratitude for something we’ve done/made, especially if we did it with them in mind. And yet it’s unfair and counterproductive to feel that way. Sometimes I have to remind myself of that. As you say, and illustrated so well, we have to find our rewards from within.

    Liked by 4 people

    2. Oh, I love the point you make about “especially if we did it with them in mind.” Right, Jane! That’s an additional kicker. Hard work, especially in that case, to find the reward from within but hopefully worthwhile!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I agree, absolutely, Wynne. Still, there are complications. A person who attains the level of accomplishment you describe is rarely without a strong sense of self enabling such achievement. While he or she may silently experience satisfaction, most of those I have met get and want the boost of some acclaim.

    On the other side, the Nobel Prize winning psychologist Daniel Kahneman points to much research indicating that life satisfaction is usually achieved by setting more modest goals than summiting the highest mountains in the world. Indeed, he states that such goals usually cause disappointment due to failure. Having loving friends is at the core of contentment, according to his work.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. You make a very good point about those big goals. There are whole books written about what happens on Everest because of the big egos and strong personalities on climbing teams.

      I like the alternative you present about modest goals and loving friends. It seems that a lot of roads point us always back in that direction. Thanks for the great comment, Dr. Stein!

      Like

  3. Some interesting thoughts here, Wynne. Do you think this could be determined by personality type? Extroverts may always be in search of external acclaim such as praise, awards, etc. Whereas introverts would shun away from the spotlight. Your point is perfect. If we can satisfy ourselves from within then everything else is a bonus.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. What an interesting idea about introvert vs extrovert, Davy. Hmm, I wonder if that has a bearing and your hypothesis sounds reasonable to me. As does your conclusion that if we are self-satisfied to do it either way, everything else is a bonus! Said like a poet!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I think there are crossovers with all of these theories, Todd. I can be introverted in some circumstances and extroverted in others. Perhaps confidence has a part to play. Deep down, we all like some praise and acknowledgement.

        Liked by 2 people

      2. I think especially those creative arts definitely need an audience. And also your great example about cooking dinner, Todd. So perhaps we need to feel good about it ourselves, and then as Davy said, the applause on top of that is gravy but we still want it so that it tastes good??

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Yes, I write memorial poems for each funeral I attend. When I look for recognition for them, very little is forthcoming. If I read the piece as my gift to the memorial gathering and my way to process grief, it feels much better.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Oh, what an interesting observation about the poetry. What a beautiful way to process that grief and appreciation for life like with the poem you posted today for your father-in-law. Lovely, Rebecca!

      Liked by 2 people

  5. This is some great food for thought. It’s impossible for us to predict or control how others will respond, but we can control our expectations and interpretation of the outcome. As you so aptly put it, “the reward for our efforts must be found within.” It’s perhaps easier said than done, but it’s so crucial to realize we don’t need the external praise and accolades to feel good about ourselves. Beautiful, Wynne. Thank you!

    Liked by 4 people

    1. I think you are right that it’s easier said than done, Erin. And I can’t say that I’ve managed it – but if I’m happy with what I’m doing for my own reasons, it lessens the look for external reward even though I still do it. Thanks for a great comment!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Your post makes me think about internal and external validation and how slippery it is to rely on input from others to make us feel ‘whole’ or fully ourselves. I’ve found that some individuals who are spotlight-seekers – in any and all of life’s professions – are sometimes trying to fill a bottomless hole, hungry for accolades when the richest rewards, if we can navigate there, come from the inside out. That’s a journey, for sure. I’ve found that the drive for recognition — love, admiration and accolades — can be an insatiable pursuit. 🤍🤍🤍

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Oh, what a spot-on insight, Vicki. I know just want you mean about individuals who are a bottomless hole. It triggers the thought about doing our work to find our “why” instead of being on that treadmill to find recognition. Thanks for adding this note to the thread – it adds so much to my thinking.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. This is such an important lesson for creative folks. If you’re waiting for the accolade of others, you never get it. I write about this constantly, the pieces I thought that would jump up the charts of most read have dragged, the pieces I thought were just for myself have done well. As you say, if we’re looking for the applause from others, they might go off-script. It might never come. When I’m done with a creative piece, I always ask myself: How do I feel about it? Am I happy with it? Do I like it. If I can answer yes to those questions, then I’m good. I learned this lesson the hard way. When I had put down my novel a few years ago (it wasn’t finished completely, I still needed an ending), I shared it with a close friend. She had offered to read it. I could’t wait to get her reaction. When I hadn’t heard from her after a few weeks, I checked in with her. She was still getting around to it. I was so disappointed. In reality, I was the wrong one. It was big in my world, but not in everyone else’s. We have to love our work. We can’t count on the praise or hits of others. Thank you Wynne.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. This may be slightly off topic, but your post makes me think of a conversation I had with Garrett a while back, where he said something about me needing validation. I was taken aback at that, because I feel like I’m very intrinsically motivated (to Vicki’s point). And yet, after that conversation, I started noticing areas where, sure enough, I was looking for affirmation. This is something I’ve been working on, and I love the way you’ve stated the topic. Adding onto Brian’s comment, he’s so right that many times, it isn’t that people aren’t interested, they just have their own focuses and things they’re working towards. Lovely and thought-provoking post, Wynne. Thank you!

      Liked by 3 people

      1. Oh, how interesting about your conversation with Garrett. I’d be taken aback by that too so I’m in such admiration how you instead chose to step back and self-evaluate. Wow, that’s so wise and strong, Kendra!!

        Liked by 2 people

      2. I thought I should clarify, Wynne. G’s comment was something to the effect that he felt we were alike in that way – saying that we both needed validation. I know it doesn’t matter, but I don’t ever want to be misleading. 🙂 And in any case, I WAS surprised. I didn’t think it to be true of either of us – and certainly not of me. 🤦🏼‍♀️ Okay, that’s all now. 😊 Hope you have a great evening! 🤍

        Liked by 1 person

    2. “We have to love our work.” Such a great point, Brian. And yes, this is great how you applied it to what we right. Your list of questions are such good ones – I’m going to have to adopt that to check-in for my own writing.

      And what a story about your novel. Oh, that’s so painful but you are right about the perspective. Thanks for the great comment!

      Liked by 1 person

  9. I think we all want accolades for our hard work or when we create something that we want to have a tremendous impact on others. I think humans are hard-wired to want accolades… think about little kids, and how they come to us seeking praise for every little thing they do.

    Maybe it is in the disappointment of NOT getting the accolades that we need to pivot and find the meaning in it to be able to continue. It is only when we move through disappointments we need to examine ourselves to determine our motives and to decide if we love what we’re doing enough to continue without accolades! With experience comes maturity!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. “With experience comes maturity!” So true!! And I love your take that when we don’t get it, we get to evaluate whether or not it’s worth continuing.” Right – I definitely do that! Great comment, Tamara!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. That Mt. Hood thing was a big deal – and some pretty spectacular footage too. Right?

      I think you are one of the luckiest guys on the planets — for many reasons!

      Like

  11. Great post Wynne! I admit I struggle with these issues on and off, more on. I don’t believe I have an outsized ego or seek personal glory in the usual sense (although maybe a therapist would tell me otherwise). For me, the desire for acknowledgment has more to do with why I create in the first place. Partly, I do it because it feels like a natural part of me that’s unhealthy to stop. But the other part of why I write, make music, etc is that I want it to help people. Maybe through a laugh, or maybe they learn something, or maybe the music gives them a quick break from their worries. When nobody shows interest in the work, it feels the way I imagine a person might feel if they had cooked a homemade dinner for their family, but nobody ate it except the cook.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think you have a really good point, Todd. And I think you are spot on that you don’t have an outsized ego but we are all social creatures and want to have an impact. I feel the same way. I think the point I was trying to get to and your comment helps me think through a bit better is that we better like doing the thing itself in the first place. So, I shouldn’t cook a fancy dinner for my family simple to impress them because I need to at least a little bit enjoy the process of creating something delicious, nutritious and caring in too. What do you think about that theory?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I totally agree with that! At the most basic and important level, I think you have to do the things because you love them and because they mean something to you. But, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt a bit when nobody else cares😁

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yes! And it does hurt when no one cares – not only because you’ve put time, energy and care into it but also because if we’re listening to our inner wisdom that we should try something, maybe it makes us doubt that too?

        Liked by 1 person

  12. Ah, what a lovely (or not so lovely!) lesson in the art of non-attachment. I agree—it can definitely be a tiny bit painful if no one applauds a noble effort. If I look for kudos from others, chances are that all I’ll find is disappointment, but the chances of finding the satisfaction of a job well done within myself are pretty darned good!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. What a beautiful post, Wynne. I agree with you about the inherent reward of doing things lies within us and not in the applause and spotlight.

    With that said, wow what an amazing accomplishment for Sue and Phil and I’ll have to check out their book. What a story of stories it must contain.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh, I’m so glad you are going to check out their book. I think you’ll love those climbing stories, Ab! They are remarkable people.

      Hope you are having a great week! Sending my best!

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Such a neat story about Phil and Sue! What amazing people you know! Now… have I heard of them via text from you? I’m pretty sure they’re the same couple you’ve told me about for a different reason, yes? That is too bad and disappointing what happened to them on the Today show, but cool that they took it in stride. Reminds me of how Princess Diana died just a few days before Mother Teresa, completely overshadowing Mother Teresa’s death, and yet, that’s exactly how Mother Teresa would have wanted it, I’m sure.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think you are right that we’ve texted about them in a different context. Very amazing people.

      I don’t think I knew that about Mother Teresa’s death. I’m sure you are right about Mother Teresa wanting it that way but still – such an amazing woman and one very much motivated by what she was doing and not the public acclaim. What a great example!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh, you’ve put it so beautifully. Wouldn’t it be nice to glow from within? But you’re also right – it’s nice to be acknowledged! Thanks for commenting!

      Like

  17. Pingback: Life: Risky Business – Surprised By Joy

Comments are closed.