The Whisper of My Failures

Posted in meditationTagged , , , ,

“Never let your failures go to your heart or your successes go to your head.” – unknown

Last Friday, as I sat at my desk trying to will my way through a client problem where my solution wasn’t working (see featured photo), I felt a heaviness settle over me. It was more than a week work of trying to solve a troublesome technical problem, it was the pounding of my sore heart worried about others and the physical discomfort in my body from a UTI and the feeling like everything was stacking up.

I was in a funk. A funk as I typically do them, is usually not observable on the surface but is roiling around just below, making steadiness harder to come by.

As an inveterate “try-er,” I often work right at the edge of my abilities, both personal and professional and say “yes” to whatever comes. While that works for me a lot of the time, I also have to get used to failure and psyching myself up to try again. Sometimes, as was the case last week, multiple failures stack up at the same time and then I feel the gut punch.

My go-to mantra has always been to work harder and try again. I come from a long line of people who jump right up after falling off the horse, ready to get back on. Wallowing about falling off the horse, reviewing the best way to ride the horse or talking about which horse to ride are not allowed – we just jump right back on.

But the older I get, the more I realize that pushing through isn’t always either smart or effective. If I don’t acknowledge the failure or maybe even better said, listen to the learning, before moving on, then I wake at 3am and then watch the highlight reel of my recent failures stream through my head.

Then I have to make peace. I repeat a mantra I learned from a very smart pastor, “My God is bigger than my worries” until my heart settles and I can breathe again. And when calm, I have to find the source of which failure I haven’t yet come to terms with. I lie on my back and focus on the seven Chakras, the Sanskrit word for “disc” or “wheel” which line up with energy centers in our bodies. Starting with the red chakra of my tailbone, I try to identify if I feel safe, then I move to the orange chakra of my pelvis to scan for creativity. Next yellow – solar plexus – power, green – heart – love, blue – throat – communication, indigo – third eye – awareness, purple – top of the head – spirituality.

Somewhere in that scan, I find where exactly I am most troubled and then I can sit with that lesson for enough moments to truly hold it. Even when I don’t yet understand what I’m supposed to learn, I can appreciate that I know where I’m growing.

The pain of failure is not always comfortable. But it’s always instructive and if I don’t want to have to learn the lesson twice, I find I need to sit with it. It’s often kinder than I thought, a signal trying to break through my stubborn insistence to keep moving, trying and problem solving so that it can whisper it’s message, “Listen down deep to where you’ve been opened and find how you can see things differently through the crack. That’s all you have to do and then leave the rest to Me.”

After I spent a few hours with my failures in the middle of Saturday night, I’m happy to report, I solved the client’s problem. More than that, my body is all better too and I lifted the heaviness of heart that came with not spending the time to look.

What do you do when you wake up at 3am?

53 thoughts on “The Whisper of My Failures”

  1. Well said! No one likes to talk about our failures. Oh we give it lip service, but we don’t like to say I was wrong, I missed something, I made a mistake. I feel like we’ve gotten better, but have so much further to go. And it’s a real shame. It’s not failing, but as you pointed out, listening to the learning and succeeding. Thanks for putting words to some important ideas! 😎

    Liked by 6 people

    1. What a lovely comment, Brian! You’ve made me feel as if I’ve succeeded at talking about failure. 🙂 You’re right, we don’t talk about it unless it’s in an overcoming kind of way.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Indeed. There’s almost a stigma to failure, something to hide? We tend to applaud kids that succeed at schoolwork immediately, instead of celebrating the struggle followed by success. At some point, regardless of how talented and strong one is, if one aims high, one will always find a point when one struggles. It’s good, in a way, to have learned early on how to struggle.

      And yet, at 3am, I think it’s best to focus on Alcott’s “Be comforted, dear soul! There is always light behind the clouds.” Be comforted, dear Wynne. There is always light behind the clouds? 🥰

      Liked by 3 people

      1. Oh, EW, I love that “Be comforted, dear soul!” Beautiful — as always! And yes, so wise that we should all learn to struggle earlier on so maybe we can be more fluid with it!

        Liked by 2 people

  2. Awake at 3am you say? Hmmm…that sounds and feels too familiar. I love this post, Wynne. ❤ Especially your candor here: “A funk as I typically do them, is usually not observable on the surface but is roiling around just below, making steadiness harder to come by.” Oh yes…the habit of adding another layer of tension by DENYING what you feel. Cloaking it. Grrr. I feel you, my friend.
    I’m so glad you solved the client issue…and on the way to doing that, you took care of yourself. Your description of your thoughtful, intentional practice of energy scanning was encouraging to read and remember. Thank you for that. You just helped me! xoxoxo 😘

    Liked by 6 people

    1. Vicki, you always say the nicest things – even when talking about failure. Yes, cloaking – another layer of tension AND energy drain! May we all sleep well tonight. 😉

      Liked by 2 people

  3. You’ve woven in a couple very valid points, as you always do, and they resonated within me, for failure is difficult to swallow whole. Boy that illustration with the column of the word “failure” is difficult to ignore isn’t it? Difficult to separate system failure from personal failure, when all we need to do is find the needed solution.

    When I’m faced with those kinds of results, I try to get out for a meditative walk where I allow my mind to both rest and run freely. The free association that comes out of it is great, and I whip out my note app on my phone to jot down ideas that come to me. By walking I get the blood moving in my body and that helps to refresh me for the next leg of the journey. While I’m doing the meditative walk I check in with my body to see what’s going on. Those meditative walks aren’t always short, but I walk leisurely to just allow my muscles to relax, as opposed to a power walk for when I’m fitness motivated!

    3 am waking up with ideas and energy? Been there! I get up, and spend 1/2 hour or so doing some writing or creating, to get it out of my mind enough that I can then go back to sleep. I’ve learned not to fight it, or I will be up tossing and turning until dawn! I’m going to be a little tired the next day ANYWAY, so I’ve learned to give in to those urges. some of my best writing and creating came out of those 3 am work sessions!

    Liked by 5 people

    1. I love your phrase “failure is difficult to swallow whole.” Wow, that’s a post in and of itself, isn’t it? And the meditative walk sounds like a great way to unwind the tension and scan.

      How wonderful that you get up to write and create at 3am. Not fighting it – it’s a brilliant way to transform the energy! Thanks, as always, for your very interesting and helpful suggestions!

      Liked by 3 people

      1. LOL! Thanks so much! Yes, I found out the hard way that fighting against those 3 am urges to write or create only leaves me exhausted the next day, so why fight it? I’m sure I’ll wake up at 3 am some night, knowing how to expand upon the “failure is difficult to swallow whole” idea!

        Some of my middle-of-the-night writings have left me scratching my head as to what I possibly could have meant! Other times I’m pleasantly surprised. At the very least it gets it out of the headspace I need for sleeping!

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Those 3am wake up struggles are the worst and your processing, accepting, reflection, resolution and moving on are wonderful one. Failure sucks but you wisely noted that to avoid making the same mistake twice, we need to let ourselves sit with that failure. Very happy for you finding a resolution!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you, Ab! I certainly don’t feel alone now that I know all of you are up at 3am sometimes too. 🙂 You’re right – failure sucks but we have to sit with it! I appreciate your lovely comment, my friend!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. As far as the 3am question, it might reduce those occurrences if we work to detect a change in mood earlier in the day. Then, one can work out at least some part of what is bothering us before bed. Another point emphasized by sleep experts is to get out of bed (as Tamara suggests), only returning there when you are tired enough to sleep. Tossing and turning otherwise might begin to compete as a stimulus to wakefulness that competes with sleep. The bed should be a trigger for sleep only, if possible.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. What an interesting idea to catch the change of mood earlier in the day. Hmm, I wonder if I can do that? I’m going to try. Thank you for the suggestion.

      Bed as trigger for sleep – great point. Thank you, Dr. Stein!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. You “read my mail,” as the saying goes. 😆 In fact, just this weekend, I kept trying something (which wasn’t working), and my hubby laughingly reminded me of the definition of insanity – when you keep trying the same thing over and over. You’re so right though – it’s about taking a breather, then listening to what our bodies are telling us. Now, if I can just remember that the next time! 😊

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Oh, I’m sorry to hear you were struggling with something similar this weekend – but glad to know I’m in good company, Kendra!

      Yes, if we can just remember it next time. Or, even as Dr. Stein suggests, catch the mood earlier in the day. Wouldn’t that be something? Hope you sleep well tonight!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Lovely post, Wynne.
    The good old, 3 am! When I was teaching, I would wake up with what I thought was a “brilliant” lesson plan around 2:30 or 3:00 am. Then, I would be too excited to sleep. (Some days the “brilliant” lesson worked perfectly, some days I received blank stares of ??) Haha.
    Now that I have retired, I am not too worried about the dreaded 3 am. I try not to get up or look at my cell phone. I do some mindful breathing and say my prayers and if that fails, I read. Eventually, I do fall asleep. If not, then I get up by 5:30 and enjoy the quiet morning.
    I like, “The pain of failure is not always comfortable. But it’s always instructive and if I don’t want to have to learn the lesson twice, I find I need to sit with it.” Well said.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Oh, I love the brilliant 3am ideas. And your reflection that sometimes they worked and sometimes they didn’t. Ah, I bet with your skill and care, they worked more often than not!

      Prayers and reading – sounds like a wonderful formula for easing back into slumber. Thank you, my friend!

      Liked by 2 people

  8. “pushing through isn’t always either smart or effective.” Oh, how I am learning this! It is so uncomfortable, but so important; I was absolutely killing myself, so that I really am intentionally having to embrace the discomfort of … trying to learn to be comfortable.

    This morning was a 3 am one for me. I danced a bunch and went for a long walk soon after the sun came up. I was so, so very glad I had already marked this a day off. Phew.

    Love your words 💙

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Oh, “have to embrace the discomfort of … trying to learn to be comfortable.” Wowsa, Deborah, that’s big.

      I’m sorry this was a 3am morning for you. Dancing and walking sound like great remedies. I hope you sleep well tonight my friend!

      Liked by 1 person

  9. “…pushing through isn’t always either smart or effective.” I’ve learned that, too. Now I’m more gracious with myself, trusting my gut, allowing me to give up, knowing that I can’t solve all my problems with [youthful] steely perspicacity. Took me years to figure that out, though.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Youthful steely perspicacity. Love that phrase and how it showcases your amazing and unique ability to coin phrases that capture the essence, Ally!

      Took me years to figure it out too!

      Liked by 3 people

  10. There’s a saying going through my head, Wynne, ‘There is no failure, only feedback.’ I don’t know who said it, but it has stuck with me. I like your technique with the chakras and giving distance to a block can always help. Some helpful advice here. Thank you

    Liked by 3 people

  11. Your quote (“never let your failures go to your heart….”) caught my attention and incited me to read this particular post. For too long, I actually allowed that to happen, but have since overcome that problem and understand that the pain of failure is how we all learn and get better….a “fine-tuning” as it were.

    I love that you said that sometimes you have to “sit” in the failure to grow and learn from it. That really hits home with me, and is so wise. In fact, this whole article is amazing, and I loved it. Thank you so much for sharing. God bless you…

    Katie

    Liked by 3 people

  12. Appreciate you insightful readers comments! Sleep experts say there are many reasons we wake at 3 a.m. However, when I experience ‘3 a.m. wide eyes’ I look at it as a spiritual awakening and wait for the creativeness to roll.

    Liked by 3 people

  13. Ugh this is incredibly hard to do. My stubborn nature has me fighting my failures to the bitter end, either making excuses or covering them up. Thankfully my husband is usually the first to notice and if I’m given enough time to think it over… I always realize that he’s right. So I keep trying to better myself. ❤️ You are amazingly insightful my friend. I love that your posts encourage me to look at things differently and strive for growth.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I love your caveat “if I’m given enough time to think it over…” Yes, that’s the trick isn’t it?

      Thank you for your lovely and generous comment, LaShelle!

      Like

  14. You know that my end of summer quote no. 3 states – If you fail never give up because F.A.I.L. means “First Attempt In Learning” this is exactly what you did dear Wynne! But at 3 a.m, the best thing you shall do is trying to fall asleep again. And if you can’t, maybe prepare yourself a cup of herbal tea, put on some soft music, drink your tea slowly and relax.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Firstly, UTI’s are terrible and I’m sorry you had one. But glad you seem to be through it. Secondly, I love your God quotes, they are really powerful. Thirdly, I LOVE that chakra scanning exercise that’s brilliant. I kind of associate any body problems with chakra work and always think about whatever is ailing me physically, and whatever chakra that’s connected to, and then the emotional part that needs healing. I have a whole story about getting a staph infection on my butt! But at that time in my life it was soooo clearly connected to root chakra issues I was dealing with in terms of safety and security. Hm the only things that typically wake me up at night are ghosts, my bladder, and dreams 🤣🤣🤣

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Okay – that last line is a tease. Ghosts waking you up at night?

      And the staff infection on your butt. I’m sorry that I’m laughing but so funny that it was connected to your root chakra! I bet that was a good story.

      And thank you for the UTI sympathy. It actually never really took hold – my body seemed to fight off the infection before I could actually get it cultured and on meds. Whew!

      Love your comments, Libby!

      Liked by 1 person

  18. Pingback: Written In the Stars – Surprised By Joy

  19. Oh goodness. I’m in one of those funks you describe right now. And it’s all stupid hubris-based, which is weird for me. At least, I thought it would be, but I guess I’m learning new unpleasant truths about myself. Anyway, I’m so glad you worked through this and were able to solve the client problem. 🙂 Nice middle of the night mantra, too.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so sorry about the funk. They are so hard!! And as far as the truths go, may they turn out to be informative and not so unpleasant! So glad to be your friend – in funky and non-funky times! ❤

      Like

  22. Pingback: Being a Humble Realist – Surprised By Joy

Comments are closed.