Wired to Yearn

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“One climbs, one sees. One descends, one sees no longer, but one has seen. There is an art in conducting oneself in lower regions by memory of what one has seen higher up. When one can no longer see, one can at least still know.” – Rene Daumal

U2 released the song I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For in 1987 just as I was graduating from high school. The song filled me with a longing that seemed perfectly appropriate for a young woman in the summer before she headed off to college.

In this summer 35 years later, I’ve heard the song probably as many times in close repetition as I did in 1987 because my kids are crazy about the movie Sing 2 in which I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For figures prominently.

And the song hits me just as deeply, filling me with yearning. Which might be chalked up to nostalgia for those carefree days of youth. But it also strikes me that our capacity to yearn is also something that is uniquely human. Our thirst for depth, purpose and God surfaces in some sort of repetition as we traverse our days, and it drives us to look for more or dares us to try to dismiss it.

I have climbed highest mountain
I have run through the fields
Only to be with you
Only to be with you
But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for
No I still haven’t found what I’m looking for

I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For by U2

The poetry of the first verse reminds me that I have experienced much that my young self never saw coming including climbing to the tops of mountains. And indeed, I started climbing because of that deep yearning inside, a God whisper that I told me I needed to look.

When I first heard the song, I thought I would have it all figured out by the time I was 53 years old. Heck, I thought I would have it all figured out by 23. My young idealism and optimism would never have predicted that yearning can last a lifetime through the highs when I’ve wondered, “Is this all?” and the lows when I’ve groveled, “Please let there be more.”

In the moments when I experience the Oneness of all, the yearning quiets. And then the next moment I stub my toe or spill the milk and the desire to restore that unity returns with vigor. I’ve found much of my purpose in the busy and joyful days full with my two precious children and still want more. I get up early in order to find the stillness in which I can hear. I stop the car at the top of the hill to take a picture because the sky speaks to me. I write in order to keep pulling and finding the thread of awe, wonder and Divinity.

All this leaves me saying to my 18-year-old self, “I still haven’t found what I’m looking for” but I have figured out that I’m not meant to because the yearning itself has meaning. I have moments of enlightenment and feel peace. I hear echoes of Universal truth and I know it’s real. Now I know it’ll keep opening my eyes to look for Divine beauty all the way til the very end.

(He will lift you higher and higher)
(He’ll pick you up when you fall) I believe
(He’ll be your shelter from the storm)
I believe in a kingdom come
Then all the colors will bleed into one
Bleed into one

I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For by songwriters: Clayton Adam, Evans David, Mullen Laurence, Hewson Paul David

(featured photo is sunrise on Mt. Adams)

Are you a U2 fan or have you seen the movie Sing 2? Have you found what you are looking for?

39 thoughts on “Wired to Yearn”

  2. Not a great U2 fan but I like this song. I’ve realised in my 70’s that it can be beneficial to yearn. There’s also another side – isn’t there always? 🙂 I love your take on it – brought tears to my eyes. Thank you.

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  3. I was once told by a man I much admired, “We are all in transit.” Others have said it in other ways. If that is true, we are always finding and always letting go, discovering ourselves and the world, arriving and departing. Does the yearning end? I wouldn’t know since there is still time ahead.

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    1. What a beautiful comment full of the cycles of life, Dr. Stein. So glad that there is still time ahead and you feel the tug of yearning. It seems like a beautiful sign that we are full of life!

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  5. You, Wynne, are tapped into a Mighty Source, and it is so obvious through your writing: “In the moments when I experience the Oneness of all, the yearning quiets.”
    What I’m suggesting is that the yearning quiets in those moments because you are “knowingly” closest to God, your very Source. Rumi stated this so well: “I searched for God and found only myself. I searched for myself and found only God.”
    B R A V O. I’ll be looking forward to your next post. 🙏

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    1. What a sweet and enthusiastic comment, Art! Yes, I agree that the yearning quiets when I’m closest to the Source. It’s almost like yearning is built to keep us coming Home. Thanks for reading and commenting!

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  6. What is the purpose of yearning, when we yearn to learn and to do? I see it as our curiosity spark, which hasn’t been diminished or crushed by life’s troubles.

    When I see people who have stopped yearning, I see people who have become depressed, overwhelmed or disillusioned by life’s troubles.

    I also see that those of us who still yearn are many of the people who continue to be teachers, in some form, helping others.

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    1. I like your description of as our curiosity spark, Tamara. Yes – it keeps us looking! I hadn’t thought of it in terms of teaching but your comment rings true to me. Thanks, as always, for reading and commenting my friend. Happy Monday!

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  7. Maybe I’m just forgetting, but I don’t recall having a sense of yearning or looking for some profound higher something. Part of it might be that I’m more focused on the present than what I might find in the future, but I’m also not a spiritual person, and that’s probably part of it too.

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    1. An interesting comment that you are focused on the present, Ashley. We are all different and I’m sure that brings difference senses for everything – including spiritual leanings. Do you get any particular sense from that U2 song? I think you are younger than I am so perhaps it doesn’t hold the nostalgia for you that it does for me.

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  8. I love this post for many reasons.
    This sentence says it all. “I write in order to keep pulling and finding the thread of awe, wonder and Divinity.”
    For me, yearning, wondering and internalizing go hand in hand. There is wonder in most every thing I see.
    Keep writing wonderful posts, Wynne.
    God bless.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. What a beautiful comment, Chaya. I’m touched by your statement that there is wonder in most every thing you see. Isn’t that magical? And it just gives me shivers to hear you say it. Thanks for a lovely comment!

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  9. Nearly 8 decades after arriving on the planet I too still haven’t fully found what I’m looking for Wynne, but am content on knowing what awaits in Eternity.
    In the meantime I enjoy living each new day He gives me to the max with the childish illusion that “Growing old is inevitable, growing up is optional.” 😃
    Be blessed lady.

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    1. Content on knowing what awaits in Eternity – beautifully said, Fred! What a wonderful ride this is and I love having you chime in with your life experience to say you feel it too! Thanks for the encouragement, my friend!

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  10. You and I experience the same musical poetry introspection cuz our kids watch the same movies. 😆😂

    We watched Sing 2 when it came out in the theatres and that scene when the Porcupine (I think it was a porcupine) sang the U2 song and I just bawled in the theatres. It was so touching.

    The hopeful and hopeless optimism of youth is truly a powerful force and that yearning feeling is something I sometimes I wish I still had to experience.

    Age makes us wiser and more pragmatic and realize that some things are not meant to be… but as you said, that yearning itself is a powerful force within.

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    1. You saw it in the theater? I know just what scene you are talking about with the porcupine and it is powerful! I love that we are watching the same kid movies and ruminating on them – just makes me smile and know I’m not in this alone. 🙂

      You are right, we get more pragmatic. The yearning is better hidden and causes less whimsical disruption than when I was young but as you say, it is a powerful force!

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      1. Definitely powerful feelings! Sometimes, I’ll feel a surge coming on but it’s never quite as intense and nor does it last as long. Where is the age 50s version of this elixir? Another U2 song I adore is One. “Love is a temple, love the higher law” ❤️

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      2. That’s a good question about the age 50s version. Hmm, we are just going to keep having to think about that one.

        And One – yes! I also love “Beautiful Day.”

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  13. My dear Wynne, the only thing I can say is that I love U2 since their very first LPs on vinile Boy, October, the first concert I saw, Sunday Bloody Sunday, I knew all their songs by heart, oh what memories you bring back to me thank you!

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  14. I was looking for tags for my new post, and I found yours. The song “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Lookin’ For” has been the song in my mind recently, as has been the phrase joy by surprise, which is the name of another song. The synchronicity caused me to read your post, but it’s the content of your words that’s having me comment. I don’t know what to say that wouldn’t be either condescending or over-praise. I don’t really know what to say to anybody if you press me on the point. This is all a bit much, life, and I’m not just bemoaning its valleys, but its horrible, wonderful habit of its all-encompassingness taking us to the peaks of ourselves. I live in India an American a candidate for more than just spiritual enlightenment, and it’s good to share the path with you.

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