Why

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“He who has a why can endure any how.” – Nietzsche

The other day I was driving with Mr. D in the car and he saw a church steeple and asked what it was.

Me: That’s a church steeple.

D: Why?

Me: It’s that’s a traditional part of a that kind of church architecture.

D: Why?

Me: We have churches so that people can celebrate God.

D: Why?

Clearly, Mr. D is squarely in his why phase. To me it feels as if he’s figured out a way to carry on a conversation without having an extensive amount of words. But it’s fitting because I’ve been working on finding my “why.” My why – as in the core motivation and pervasive central theme of what I do.

As author Simon Sinek says in Find Your Why, “Each of us has only one WHY. It’s not a statement of who we aspire to be; it expresses who we are when we are at our natural best.”

There are different schools of thought of how to find your why. Social scientist and Harvard professor, Arthur Brooks (From Strength to Strength) suggests that we finding it by cultivating moments of stillness and meditating on it. Author Simon Sinek (Find Your Why) recommends a structured approach where we tell the formative stories of our youth (because he says our why is formed by our late teens) in order to form a statement that looks like:

To _<insert the contribution you make the lives of others>_ so that _<impact of your contribution>_.

Combining the two approaches, I have reflected on what stands out from my early years. I had a happy and stable childhood so I thought I didn’t have many stories but opening up the discovery uncovered this moment when I was about to start high school. My dad, a Presbyterian pastor, ask me to go for a walk when we were on vacation at a lake cabin. As we walked, he offered to change his job if it would make it easier for my teenage years.

While I responded honestly that his job didn’t bother me at all, I also noted that he was saying this because my older sister had pummeled him with rebellion and hurt during her journey through high school. I vowed to do it differently so he and my mom would know they were good parents. Which wasn’t hard because they were and I was a very different kid than my sister.

Distilling this and other memories down to what drives me now and why, I came up with this “Why” statement:

To encourage and cheer for others so that they feel supported and emboldened in the pursuit of life in the fullest on their individual paths.

Thinking back, I remember my mom warning that I shouldn’t be a caretaker. That certainly could be a pitfall to my “why.” I prefer to think that in telling my story in how I’ve done it differently – whether it be finding a different expression of faith than my parents or choosing to become a single parent, I can help others to know they can find their own paths too.

As Mr. D will tell you, knowing why is a great way to dig deeper into the meaning of things.

(featured photo from Pexels)

19 thoughts on “Why”

  1. I liked how you used a story to illustrate a point and how concisely you write. One “that” when I think you meant “than” but am I wrong in putting that in comments? It was clear what you expressed certainly. I certainly like the visual also of finding your own path also. A nice post to begin my day today, thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. While I realize this essay is about finding an essential, animating motive or meaning, what strikes me is how much you and your dad displayed your care for each other on that morning walk. A beautiful moment.

    Liked by 4 people

  3. Lovely post.

    On a lighter note… Whenever my third-grade students would repeatedly ask, “But, why”, I would patiently answer each of their legitimate whys. Until that one student would keep asking “why” even after I had answered and other students had accepted my reasonings.
    Then I would turn to my naughty one and answer with a smile:
    ” Why?
    Because the sky is so high.
    In the month of July.”

    My rhyme always made the questioner and the other students think hard quietly for quite some time. My strategy worked until one day a smart one came back with,” But, “Miss U, the sky is always high. Not just in the month of July!”

    Haha.

    However, my students liked to chant the rhyme!

    Best wishes.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I love that story, Chaya! No surprise that some smarty pants thought it all the way through – and that is lovely too!

      I am totally going to borrow that because there are some moments that we truly get into the “why” weeds and need a good exit! ❤ Sending my best to you!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. The “Why” phase for our little ones can be patience sapping and trying but it is also so important and wonderful to see and to hear those wheels turning for them!

    It continues to make me smile how obviously great of a relationship you and your dad had. And your Why is great and as you demonstrate in your life, everyone can carve their own path forward. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love your comments, Ab! They always teach me something. In this case, it’s the importance of the wheels turning and how fun it is to see. And also the word “carve” in carve your own path. it’s such a perfect word for that. Thank you!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. My gosh what a beautiful post Wynne! The level of sacrifice you dad was willing to make for you is a lasting testament of his love for you.
    I love your Why, and I love your little mister’s curious mind.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I really need to take a good look at my whys, because I feel like I’ve been lacking in purpose these days. Sure, I go through the motions, but I don’t know why. This is a great reminder to maybe take a step back and reflect. Thanks for this post!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so glad it was helpful. I find myself needing to re-orient to the bigger picture why and it’s motivating. Thanks for reading and commenting, Stuart!

      Like

    1. Oh my goodness – you comment brought tears to my eyes because I was so grateful that what I said was of use! And then I laughed because I think that’s exactly why I write so this illustrated it perfectly! Thank you, Claudette!

      Liked by 1 person

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