Wired to Learn

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“Sharp people learn from their mistakes. But the real sharp ones learn from the mistakes of others.” – Brandon Mull

I got a new client this week. She was introduced to me by a mutual contact that told her I could help. She is clearly very bright and has done a lot of research but given the huge amount of documentation on the technology choices she has to make, she just needed someone to weigh in on what would work best because she doesn’t have time to try out every option herself.

After only a 30 minute phone call in which we talked through her options, she was ready to go with what I recommended. Of course, the technology we were talking about is my specialty and has been for 20 years but what struck me was how openly she was able to learn.

According to Nicholas Christakis, a sociologist from Yale, this is the hallmark of the human species. Christakis’ work in the field of sociology is about the long view of human history. He’s deeply optimistic about our ability to cooperate, teach others and love because we are one of the only species that does that outside of the family structure. In his book, Blueprint, Christakis lays out the case that “natural selection has given us a suite of beneficial social features including our capacity for love, friendship, cooperation and learning.”

Of course one of the places this is easiest to see has been with my kids over the last few years as they’ve learned to talk. When my son was one and just starting to talk he called water, “Mamu.” He and my brother’s wife, who was nannying for me, use to have a funny verbal game they’d play. He’d said, “mamu”, she’d say “water” and it would go on for a minute until they both broke out in laughter. And then eventually he accepted that it was water, just like he’s learned all the other hundreds of words he can say, because he trusts the caretakers in his life.

Which reminds me of my ex-husband. He had good reasons to believe his parents weren’t reliable sources of information. His dad used to say to me, “I knew my boy was smart when I came in to beat him with a belt and he asked for me to beat him with the wooden spoon instead.” And it was in his senior year of high school when he was living with his dad and step-mom and they moved in the middle of a night to a different state to avoid a tax debt without telling him (or bringing him) so he had to find a place to live on his own.

I think they were one of the reasons that he couldn’t learn from other people (or maybe the primary reason he couldn’t). And that was behind my reluctance to have kids with him was because I couldn’t bear the thought of having him experiment on children as the only way to learn the best way to parent.

So I understand that we all have different levels of openness to learning and that it might vary within a person by topic. But it gives me great hope when I witness the human ability to trust and learn like I did with my client this week. Because it resonates with what I’ve gleaned from Nicholas Christakis’ work – that we have come this far because we are wired to cooperate and learn. Coupled with Arthur Brook’s concept of crystallized intelligence that I wrote about last week, the idea that as we age we develop intelligence more suited to synthesize, tell stories and teach, it seems we have the right ingredients to pass on goodness to the next generation and beyond.

(featured photo is of my dad teaching a class)

18 thoughts on “Wired to Learn”

  2. Thanks for sharing this Friday inspiration, Wynne, and so nice to hear you had a positive and inspiring conversation with your client.

    One of the most freeing lessons I learned in adulthood is that we don’t need to know everything. A willingness and humility to learn from each other and an ability to ask the right questions can move you forward in a long way. One of the best lessons, har har, in life!

    Glad to hear you cultivating that mindset with your kids too.

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    1. What a wonderful insight you add “ A willingness and humility to learn from each other and an ability to ask the right questions can move you forward in a long way.” Yes, yes,yes – and I love your punny joke too! 😀😀😀

      Have a great weekend! ❤️

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  3. People tend to learn from sources they trust, while they doubt sources which they either distrust, or who they’ve been told to distrust. The latter seems to be the most prevalent today, with facts, alternate facts, fake news, “real” news sources, being loosely used by pundits and politicians alike.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for reading and commenting. What a great point you make – we have so much information at our fingertips these days that the challenge is making meaning from it all!

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  6. Wynne, you have the best insights and such a way of synthesizing and verbalizing really great, thought-provoking topics on your blog. Thank you also for introducing a new sociology title for my list. One can only re-read old textbooks so many times and I’m always up for current sociological discussion.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. What a lovely comment that makes me feel like I’m hitting my sweet spot. Thank you, Deb!

      I love that you are so willing to add that to your reading list. I can’t wait to hear what you think of Nicholas Christakis. I first heard him on an On Being podcast and I’d be happy to see if I can find the link for you.

      Hope you enjoy the weekend! And thank you again.

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  7. 1. I can see your dad’s sweetness and kindness in that picture.
    2. Brilliant, all of this.
    3. Your poor ex. What a horrible way to grow up. This knowledge, coupled with other things you’ve told me about him, reminds me of an episode of Bull. Have you seen it? He’s a psychologist and jury scientist. One woman cheated on her husband. Bull told the husband that she felt a need to be loved by multiple people because she was never loved by her father. He found a good therapist for her and broke up the fake relationship.

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    1. Oh, you have me in tears about my dad. Yes, he was so sweet and kind!

      You’re right – my ex had a lot of overcome and it boggled my mind to try to relate. That sounds like a really interesting show. I’ll have to look it up! Thanks, Betsy!

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