“Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are.” – Malcom S. Forbes
I have a friend whose affable and outgoing father has developed a little bit of memory loss in his 80’s. To talk with him you wouldn’t notice it but it manifests in that he thinks he doesn’t have enough money. No matter how many times his daughter tells him he’s does and he’s fine, he feels like he’s broke.
It reminds me of my grandmother who became very self-conscious about the way she looked as she aged. She thought other people in her senior living home were gossiping about her when she ate in the shared dining room because she didn’t look right. No amount of reassurance would overcome her inclination to stay in her room.
These stories make me wonder if we all have some deep insecurity or worry that if we never fully heal could define our golden years.
I know what mine is. I feel self-conscious talking about faith. My beloved dad was a Presbyterian pastor with such a specific theology. But what resonates with me is less defined – examples of faith, depth, authenticity, grace, forgiveness, selflessness from all spiritual traditions inspire me. (To be fair, my dad called himself a big tent guy meaning however you got into the faith tent was fine by him).
When I go to speak about faith, I get hung up on the words to use because my upbringing gave me a specific dialect. My meditation practice has given me the feeling of deep faith but not the words to replace it. So somehow my respect for my dad has muted my lived experience and created an impediment to speak of my Budheo-Christian path.
It calls me to heal it so that I can speak of the Divine miracles and great gift that faith has been for me. I have been so fortunate to stand on the top of mountains, feel the Universe all around me and stand in awe of the wonder of creation. And I’ve experienced this feeling of being carried by God in so many pivotal moments when I have been confused, unsure, and broken. Nurturing the small voice of God inside me has repeatedly enabled me to navigate to the next right thing in my path.
I’m heartened by the story about my friend’s dad because even though he feels like he doesn’t have enough money, he has a deep faith that makes him feel secure. So I work on my confidence to speak of all that God has done in my life all the while having faith that it will all come out okay.
(featured image from Pexels)
Surprised By Joy 
I too have struggled to separate my faith from the religious teachings I had been indoctrinated with years ago.
Sometimes I feel like I’m walking a fine line of expressing my faith, but appearing to not have any (in front of church people) because I have stepped away from organized religion vs. fearing that I might push anyone (who has gone through religious abuse) away from reading my posts, because they might see the religious language I know and which might be a turn-off for them!
I finally have to just accept that I stand where I am, and some people may never understand or relate to me, but I cannot be all things for all people!
I can only be myself!
Blessings!
Tamara
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Yes – being all things to all people. I relate to that! I read the most interesting line in an article the other week. It was a pastor talking about politics and faith and he said, “I’ve heard of people leaving churches because of their politics. But I’ve never heard of anyone leaving their politics because of their church.”
We all have stories that run so deep – maybe even deeper than we know. And the best we can do is talk authentically about how we experience life, God and wisdom. With the hope that kind souls will hear what we are trying to say first before shutting down. Blessings to you for walking that walk!
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Thank you for seeing the different sides and for being so supportive! I realized that it’s impossible to be all things for all people and inevitably some will be offended because of their own inner landscape not matching up with mine. That’s ok too!
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This post spoke to me. Sometimes I dread going to church because I feel that there are a few busibodies who gossip and I’m probably on their gossip list. However, I have to remind myself that their gossip says everything about their lack of character and is no reflection on me. And that God doesn’t want us to worry about what people say. Thank you for posting.
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Oh, thank you for this comment. I agree that God that doesn’t want us to worry about what people say but boy, it’s hard to practice, isn’t it? I appreciate you reading and commenting!
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Absolutely it is. And it’s my pleasure. 💖
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Beautiful Wynne. Thank you for sharing this.
It’s unfortunate that so many churches today practice legalistic, judgemental, controlling religion and not relational ,forgiving, loving Christianity. While I hold there are basics of the Christian faith that defy compromising . . . the virgin birth; Christ’s crucifixion and resurrection; Salvation by faith alone, not works . . . many chose to major in the minors of Christianity that divide rather than unify.
You Dad’s ‘Big Tent Guy’ view of everyone’s journey to faith fits the myriad of ways I’ve witnessed and heard of how each unique creation from every tribe, tongue and nation each of us are have found their way into the Faith tent. Much like yours, my faith finds it peace, nurture and healing best when wandering ‘alone’ with Him amidst the wonders of His creation, and to think . . . the Best is yet to come! Be Blessed!
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Beautiful comment, just beautiful, Fred! Thank you!! Sending Blessings to you!
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Insecurity and negative self talk really can feel crippling at times. And it is sad to think about people such as our parents going through those phases. Your story about your grandmother feels all too real.
Faith can also be another one that feels challenging to talk about, especially in this current era where everything feels so black and white – you’re either on this camp or that camp – and it’s easy to feel judged or misunderstood and rightfully fearing those reactions from others.
I think the way you shared your experience in this post is a wonderful way to talk about it in an accessible and relatable way.
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Thank you, Ab, for this gift of a comment. I feel heard by what you said and that feels powerful. Yes, everything does feel so black and white and we end up separated by such granular distinctions. It’s so lovely to be able to explore some shades of gray here! Thanks for reading and your insightful comments, as always!
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