“At some point, you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart but not in your life.” – Sandi Lynn

As we were working on projects, my dad would frequently put his arm around my shoulders and say, “It’s going to be great, Kid!” And while on one level he was saying that the job to drywall, trim and paint would be transformative, he was also talking about life overall. When he died suddenly in that bike accident, it cut our conversation short but it didn’t end it because in the six years since his death, I’ve felt this phrase take solid root in me.

I’ve come to see each time that I feel the pang of missing him, which is often, it is an opportunity to incorporate more of him in my life. In a way that we don’t do with people when they are alive because we can rely on their presence to influence us, those memories of our departed loved ones are such guideposts of the ways that we want to be like them.

I have a long list of what I miss most about him. The way that I could rely on his steady encouragement, enthusiasm, and love. The twinkle in his eye because he thought life was great. And the warmth with which he would accept my problems, quoting scripture if I was able to hear it or just embracing me if I was not. Because my dad died without knowing either of my children, I miss him often in this journey of parenthood and each time it reminds me of one of these qualities that I want to embody for my kids.

The trick with “It’s going to be great, Kid!” is that it works best when used for the short-term and the very long-term. Today is going to be great, the arc of life is going to be great but we don’t want to dwell on the middle ground where our vision is a little murky. As a note, this also works with climbing mountains, a school year, projects and more as in the start of envisioning the project will be great, the end will be great but we’ll likely face some uncertainty and fatigue in the middle. The second key is “going” which implies that it’ll take a bit of work on our part. Next there is the “great” which says there will be something to celebrate but the word isn’t “perfect” and it isn’t “exactly what you want.” And the final word, “Kid” which honors that all of this is worth doing in relation to each other.

So on this anniversary of his death, I celebrate that “It’s going to be great, Dad!”